True Love Is A Lie: The Porn Iguana And Her Creepy Husband Are Over

Whoever (read: every bitch with a brain) said that a love between a teenage porn iguana and a creepy PedoBear in a human costume would never last, was sadly telling the truth, because The Daily Mail says that after two years of marriage, Courtney Stodden has the left the mound of foreskins that her pimp mom sold her to when she was 16. Don’t try to talk True Love off the edge, because it knows and we know, that it’s dead and shit, it never existed in the first place! Now you know why The New York Times will run an obituary for True Love later today.

The Daily Mail says that last night, the Porn Igauna threw a Slutoween party in her Hollywood Hills house, but Doug Hutchison wasn’t there. A source says Courtney is the one who pounded her marriage dead with her new medicine ball titties and that Doug’s heart broke into a million pieces. The source went on to say that when Courtney was in the Celebrity Big Brother house in London, she realized that life was so much better without a used suppository with legs following her around. A different source tells Radar that Doug and Courtney are keeping the break-up news to themselves for right now, because she’s currently trying to sell a dating reality show starring her (they can call it Porn Iguana of Love) :

“Doug knew he was taking a risk with the marriage, but he genuinely feel in love with Courtney and didn’t realize how much his life would be changed after they got married. She is branching out and doing her own thing and Doug is getting left behind.”

Everything with Courtney and Doug is so contrived, but he wasn’t with her at her Halloween party and she’s always doing things by herself lately. He just isn’t part of the scene anymore now. They’ll probably stage a photo opp just to pretend they’re still together though.”

Yeah, Courtney and Doug were just an arranged publicity stunt and this break up is probably just another  STUNT QUEEN move to get all of us talking about their messy asses again, but this is still devastating news and I’m sure I’ll see you all at church where we’ll light a candle for True Love.

And more importantly, who is going to get custody of DOURTNEY?!

Since they supposedly broke up, does that mean they have to break up Dourtney’s name too? Are they going to call him Doug or Courtney? So many questions. My weekend is ruined.