Chris Colfer Didn’t Get Fired From Glee

July 3, 2014 / Posted by:

Chris Colfer, the baby dolphin with human legs and arms who has played Kurt on Glee since the beginning, tweeted this out today:

Screen-Shot-2014-07-03-at-11.29.53-AM

Some took that to mean that those Blind Items are made of truth and in the behind-the-scenes game of Hunger Games that the Glee cast is playing, Darren Criss got Chris Colfer killed off. But I took it to mean that Chris Colfer finally had a nervous breakdown after the costume department insisted that his character still dress like a 70s era gay on a Peter Allen-themed cruise (or like Monroe from Too Close For Comfort).

A quick minute after that tweet went up, Chris’ manager, agent, publicist, assistant, assistant’s second cousin, first grade teacher, substitute first grade teacher, the first dude he blew and the dolphin dentist who cleans his baby teeth all screamed the word “HACKED!” and claimed that Chris Colfer didn’t tweet that shit. Chris Colfer is not leaving Glee. It was a Third of July prank.

But really, who thought that Kurt got fired? They need Kurt for the final episode. They need every ho from that show even that blonde cheerleader they all hate. They need them all. Because in the last episode, Sue Sylvester is finally going to lose her mind and slaughter all of those annoying brats for slaughtering song after song after song after song. Then as those brats’ dead, bloody bodies lie in a mountain of carnage, Lea Michele will climb on top of those corpses she’s more talented than and sing a Barbra Streisand melody while a montage of Rachel’s greatest moments play. It’ll be the perfect metaphor and a perfect ending. So yeah, they need Kurt. They need his dead, bloody body!

And here’s Lea Michele in a totally natural and not-at-all set-up photo shoot with her hooker whore boyfriend in L.A. yesterday. These were all taken on the same day. That bitch really is a high school drama student to the core. Even her staged photo shoots have costume changes.

Pics: Getty

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