The Trinity Of Terror
Q: "Why did every L.A. area drug dealer tell me they were all out of the bad shit when I called each and every one of them on Tuesday night?" - Charlie Sheen
A: Lindsay Lohan, Lady GaGa and Lana Del Rey had a slumber party at the Chateau Marmont. The end.
William Shakespeare is somewhere up in heaven, slapping himself in the face with his quill pen for being born in the wrong time period, because this right here is more terrifying than any three witches scene from Macbeth. X17Online via (via Digital Spy) says that the Chateau Marmont almost crumbled into a million pieces from the weight of bloated egos, mountains of cocaine, polyester weaves and plastic lip jelly in one room. A source says that Lady CaCa, LiLo and Llama Del Meh (aka The Evil Ls) had dinner in the garden before going up to a room to "play dress up, watch old movies and play board games." You should've read that last part while making air quotes, because that's obviously just fuckedupmess code for whiskey enemas, gargling coke with their nostrils and passing out in a puddle of vomit ("Try to pass out in your own!" - tip of the night from LiLo).
Earlier in the night, LiLo tweeted "#skinnysnack1" (translation: #cooooooooke1) at CaCa and CaCa tweeted a picture of a cucumber on the bar. I don't even want to know what they did with that cucumber, but my thoughts and condolences go out to its family, because it can't be easy knowing that its last moments were painful, disgusting and involved lots of toxic body fluids.
If this story is true and isn't just a piece from a horrific fanfic, then it was probably the most boring and annoying threesome ever. Spaced out Lana Del Rey slow danced with a floor lamp all night while CaCa and LiLo melted the paint on the walls by talking non-stop, over each other, about their (f)art. Still, I hope this never happens again, because the world does not need the second coming of the West Hollywood Three.
Here's LiLo leaving a restaurant last night and ho should be using her hands to hold down the top of her head instead of covering her face, because her scalp is practically falling off. Lady CaCa should be ashamed of herself. Bitch snorted up a patch of LiLo's hair when a little coke got on her head.
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*GASP* The hair is not all real?!?
I'm upset that I've been gullible enough to believe so.
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¿donde está machín?
From the comments I am happy to say all I know about Lana Delaware is I read in the Onion that she is a singer, and I once read on the D thay she was maybe dating Manson. Being out if touch feels better every day. CaCa and LieLow, though? I read elsewhere that they twattered back and forth, then CaCa "mysteriously" erased the tweets. (Sobered up and felt shame.)
I am...doll parts...bad skin...doll heart.
So, neither of her BFF told her that her hair game was falling off her scalp, eh. She probably has some spinach between her teeth and toilet paper stuck to her shoe as well.
I'm sure they were all narciscissoring each other.
Oh man, you win!
Submitted by not shocked on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 7:19pm.
my holistic vet says a can of sardines or mackerel a week will cure hotspots
LOL. It took me 3X to get this.
LL has microlinks on her head...damn those microlinks!!! I had them last year; it's basically like your natural hair and some fake-ass hair get threaded through the same plastic bead and then it gets welded shut...you can see at the top of her scalp where the hair coming out of her head is randomly a lighter color than her actual hair...
I had those frickin things and they constantly would tug and then yank my hair out at the root, and I ended up with shitty bald spots in my scalp's fragile areas as well...although not as massive, I daresay.
Then again, I dared to traverse the world of 'Hollywood Beauty' for only a year, and yanked those extensions out myself when I discovered that underneath them I was looking 'cancer-patient chic'...Now I have a clip-in ponytail extension only, and ladies, it's soooo much easier to sleep when you just take the damn thing out and don't have to suffer the incessant itching and tearing...gaaaagh....Seeing that pic of poor LL's head made it all come flooding back.
For my money, LL's parents need to fricking step in and drag her to Wisconsin or something...Hollywood can destroy you if you're fragile.
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Too big to fail
Lana del Ray always looks utterly miserable. Also, what's with her constant sky-high hair? Is that her "thing"? Having high hair? That's the lamest gimmick I ever heard of, and besides it's not even original because Amy Winehouse had high hair too.
Wonder if Gaga figures she's on her way out? I'd have thought she was much too famous to be hanging out with either of these people.
Was LiLo trying to channel Joan Crawford in the trifecta pic? Joan would lay her out on the front lawn in five seconds flat, wire hangers or no.
my holistic vet says a can of sardines or mackerel a week will cure hotspots
the hair? i dont understand.
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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.
Submitted by marinara on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 4:52pm.
Oh my god, the restaurant she was at was called E Baldi!
hahaha
bitch has a hairline like Naomi Campbell's. 8-P
This is a made up rumour because they are all staying in the Chateu Marmont at the moment, but i think lilo is gaga's little experiment. I mean the concept for her next album is the decay of the pop start. How the media builts them up, and them want them destroyed. She said that people like Marilyn and Diane were martyr of their fame, and that's the reason they died, of something along those lines.
As for Lana, her album is the third best wordwide selling album of this year. And she stil didn't break in the american market! But i still can't understand why so many people seems to hate her! i mean she kinda suck in snl, but she still sang better than the katy's and nicki's of the pop world. And she was really nervous, and gotten progresily better with time... idk
Oh my god, the restaurant she was at was called E Baldi!
*dies laughing*
jeebus.
whenever I see a picture of lindsay, I always think, "well, her hair still looks nice."
now what??
Her hair!
Did a bunch of birds peck out her hair to make a nest?
Desperate famewhores, ugh.
And still, GaGa is by far the most annoying. She's such a pretentious hussy.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Missed opportunity to burn the building down.
"Llama Del Meh" HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Aren't people done trying to make her happen? I watched a concert she did in England on Paladia--DULL.
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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
snowy - looks like she pulled an all nighter. Look at those circles under her eyes.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 :
"I don't even want to know what they did with that cucumber, but my thoughts and condolences go out to its family"
LOL! I imagine it looked like Bunnicula got to it.
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I bought Bunnicula for my sister when she was small, and just recently bought it for my niece who is 4. Good memories :)
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"...and he just sat there like a cunt."-boredasfuckyo:
poor lindsay, that bald patch!!! omg bitch is soo broke she cant afford good weave.
obviously that lifetime movie check is in the mail and hasnt arrived yet, cuz lindsay is broke as hell.
gaga and lana del ray probably made fun of hohan during the party, cuz they can afford the coke, but lindsay couldn't.
so they made lindsay into their slave, getting on all fours, with a silver tray with lines of coke, on her back, moving around so gaga and lana can use her as coffee table, and any crumbs of coke boogers that fall out, lindsay snorts that shit up.
and if gaga wanted her vagina tickled, she just rub coke on it, and watch lindsay devour it like a hyena, cackling, licking, snorting, crying, laughing, cackling, licking, crying.
here are more pics of Lilo that night, she looks like SHIT!!!!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2172944/Lindsay-Lohans-exte...
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
I must be officially old as fuck, because I didn't understand one sarcastic word MK was using to describe whateverthehell these three were up to at the chateau. Maybe they should go ahead and close that place up. Air it out. Have the CDC swoop down with their tents. And I don't know who Lana del Rey is by the way but she looks rather dirty.
ugh M.E. she is sooo annoying, be glad you don't know her
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Who the hell is Del Taco? I thought that was PP.
Del Taco's hair is giving me a severe case of the HAHAHAHAHAHAs.
She's so desperate to happen.
Twatty -
So hot here, but I'm good.
My advice on staying cool: DRINK. A LOT.
Glad to see a Lilo post, because these comments are cracking me up!
This has to be for the publicity. Talk about a random trio to throw together. Or would that be throw up together? Hell, I don't know.
RE: Chicks shaving their heads. BH and I were watching Fear Factor and the next challenge is going to be chicks having to shave their heads. BH told me that is where he'd fold and draw the line. No fucking way would he let me shave my head.
I find that completely ridiculous. Hair grows back. I could NEVER eat anything from that show. That is where I'd say FUCK THAT.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 1:26pm.
and it was a night of complete sobriety, of course
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At a bar surrounded by booze.
It's like Charlie Sheen in a whore house and he didn't get his dick wet. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
bambam -- interesting about the vegemite.
doncorleone -- hey, honey!!! It's hot as fuck here in Chi-town. We're going to see Diana Krall on Tuesday and it's going to be fucking 98 that day; I hope we can keep cool that day. How you doing???
that pic of Lilo in the main pic is hilarious. She looks plain ugly.
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All that loving must've been lacking something
If I got bored trying to figure you out
You let me down
I don't even like you anymore at all
and it was a night of complete sobriety, of course.
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All that loving must've been lacking something
If I got bored trying to figure you out
You let me down
I don't even like you anymore at all
Someone needs to fix lohans hair fast. If you want me to believe she is a sexpot then cover up the bald spot and get her healthy.
The mayans were damn right... BUT, if this is true, are we looking forward to high class fuckery involving this three, reminiscent of 2007?
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''Don’t you come after me, you whore!'' Joan Rivers.
Twatty -
Hey, I had to do the whole B12 shot shit too, it wasn't too bad at all. How's the weather where you are??? Still hot as fuck here.
Good God Michael K., I got up, and when I got on Dlisted the 3 Horseheads of the Apocalypse were staring at me from my comp, scared the living fuck out of me. What a bunch of shitheads these 3 are, woohoo sooo cool. Drive off a cliff Linds no one will care. And Linds??? You look fucking ridiculous.
and no one thought to have a plane hit that particular room becuz...?
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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy
FIX YOUR WEAVE, BITCH.
Honest to God, this girl rents Porches, carries the most expensive bags etc etc but she can't be bothered to leave the house without the back of her head looking like she's been laid up in bed, sweating, with food poisoning for a week? Shit. Crackies are so illogical!
Submitted by Vern on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:49pm.
B12 shots are the best thing ever, reccomend them for anyone.
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Yesss. ITA. I take B complex vitamins everyday. Tried to pass this forward once to a friend who was always fatigued yet never tried them. His doctor said they wouldn't work for him (even though his father was taking shots.)
Dude never took me seriously but I ran into his wife, she said he guzzles that 5 hour energy drink like water every day. He's an idiot.
Marmite (vegemite) works well too. Tastes nasty but it's packed with B vitamins. Smear some on toast and butter (maybe a slice of tomato) in the morning and you're good for the day.
Vern -- I had heard it's a bitch to test for celiac disease, but I was tested it for it by a top specialist at Northwestern here in Chicago so I'm really confident about the results. Right now the anemia seems to have subsided, thank god. Thanks for your concern, though, sweetie. Yeah, B12 shots are great. I'm so proud that I mastered being able to give them to myself. I literally had to. I went from daily to weekly to monthly shots.
This is a badly-researched article. There is clearly a fourth woman hiding in Del Rey's hair.
Haha bambam at the hard look, spot on. She looks like she cutchoo and keep walking (after stealing your watch and wallet/purse).
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 11:21am.
"I don't even want to know what they did with that cucumber, but my thoughts and condolences go out to its family"
LOL! I imagine it looked like Bunnicula got to it.
I LOVED Bunnicula. I was obsessed with that book after I bought it during the RIF Reading Fair. It was only slightly less scary than The Girl with the Green Ribbon.
On topic, Lana Del Ray looks like an even sadder version of Julia Allison.
I am as old or older than WO,but just started getting a small hair loss spot, just one little patch, at 25 this ho will be bald as a bowling ball, what a train wreck she is
Twatty-
the tests for Celiac aren't always accurate. You should try going gluten free to see if you feel any better.
Also, it can strike at anytime, so just because they say you don't have it now, don't ignore it as a possibility later.
I had it for a long time before it was diagnosed and it messed up my muscles big time.
B12 shots are the best thing ever, reccomend them for anyone.
*chanting as always*
Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:09pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 07/13/2012 - 12:05pm.
all together now: AWWWWWWW
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I know those kind of picture are so cute it's Gheeeeyy :D