The Time Brad Pitt Found Angie Jolie Crying In The Shower

"There's a taxi waiting outside for you, sweetie" is the line that slipped off of George Clooney's tongue to Stacy Keibler at the Critics Choice Awards in L.A. last night after Brad Pitt hobbled in saint-less. It was a brodate at the CCAs! Just look at those pictures of Brad making the silver hairs in George's ears quiver by whispering into it. Try to tell me that Brad and George's chemistry is not shooting an Atlantic Starr into your head.

Anyway, Brad showed up alone last night, because Angie Jolie was off doing a live web chat with Marie Claire to promote In the Blood and Honey (click here to see the live chat with a cameo by Maddox...sort of). During the Q&A, Angie confessed that right before her first day of directing, she slowly melted down in the shower like Jennifer Aniston when she finds out that she's out of uncooked cookie dough-scented body wash.

"I had a complete emotional breakdown in the shower and Brad found me crying. I felt this huge responsibility and I felt very small. 'Who am I to take this on?'

I didn't plan to become a director, and I still have trouble saying I'm a director. I just wanted to tell this story and I ended up by default being the director. It was a pleasure, but I wonder if it would be a pleasure with another cast and crew, and a subject matter that wasn't so special."

Oh, please. The real reason Angie shriveled into a puddle of frightened emotions and almost slipped down the drain is because a drop of Suave Strawberry Smoothie shampoo accidentally fell in her mouth and eating the extra calories scared her. Angie didn't feel small. She felt HUUUUUGEEEEE! But seriously, Angie's shower time breakdown got Brad Pitt into the shower finally, so it's a good thing it happened. The next time the Pig-Pen in your life refuses to bathe, just have a mental breakdown in the shower and he'll come running to your rescue before he realizes you're about to drop a soap bomb on him.

Splash, Wenn.com

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by jelliebean on Sat, 01/14/2012 - 9:52am.

Those tears are for herself. She's Been Caught Stealing as Jane's Addiction would say. She knows she ripped off a poor author in a war torn country for her own self promotion, and she wants sympathy for her directorial debut attempt. *checks calendar* yup it's awards season again.
And I loved Sometimes in April, heart breaking.

Submitted by TimberSteen on Sat, 01/14/2012 - 8:57am.

"I felt this huge responsibility and I felt very small. Who am I to take this on?"

Is she serious? Bitch, you are not Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt, you are an actress who directed a vanity project movie that no one will watch. She seriously needs to pull her head out of her ass.

Submitted by LaChaylo on Sat, 01/14/2012 - 7:23am.

What a fucking marytr, that Angie. Breaking down in the shower because she became director by default for some movie. Oh, the hardship! The toil!

Bitch, please. You don't like it, leave the industry. But this isn't about the movie. It's about your massive ego.

Old Georgie looks sooo ridiculous with his Amazon on his arm. She makes him look all frail and grandpa like. Not a good pairing at all.

Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Sat, 01/14/2012 - 2:48am.

homosexual-tinymeat clooney and homosexual-tinymeat pitt together!

Submitted by almostfamous88 on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 8:33pm.

The more these two fucktards share, the more I'm convinced he smokes pot and gets head from Clooney in one wing while she nods off, needle in arm, in her private room...yeah, they have hate sex here and there but this whole "life" they created is shot the fuck out...her pride and his castration will keep them "together"

Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 8:06pm.

Yeah, hi.
I'm not really posting about dumb celebrity shit any more, but someone brought up the Bosnian war so I had to say something.

I know it's all tl;dr and shit. I don't care.

*______________________________________*

"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt

Submitted by Chilly on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 8:05pm.

No doubt she caught a glimpse of his ragged ass and began weeping when she realized there was nothing left. She had officially sucked ALL the hot out of him.

Submitted by Karen Flatts on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 8:04pm.

Migraineuse...
?

\
ResllySubmitted by Meatblocks on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 10:17am.
it ain't awesome until flatts shits on it.

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt

Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 7:56pm.

Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 8:37pm.

'Quick, what was the Bosnian conflict about?'
____________________________________________________

It's not confusing at all. It's only presented as such in the Western media, because they won't tell the whole truth. They'll run tragic human interest stories and whatnot. But they're corporate owned and controlled, and they promote capitalism as the natural order of things. So they won't tell you the answer, which is this:

The Bosnian conflict was about the West destroying Yugoslavia's socialist infrastructure while setting up the Serbs to take the blame. The reason it was done: Yugoslavia had been a buffer against Russia, but Russia went under in the early 90s, so this buffer was no longer needed.
Yugoslavia couldn't simply be left alone to be a socialist success story, because the world needed to be shown that socialism is evil and repressive and couldn't possibly work ever. It must be drilled into the ignorant masses that capitalism is the only system that works, even when it's completely fucking obvious that it doesn't work at all.

So they had to bring Yugoslavia down. They started it by offering Slovenia a secret deal to join the EU if it jumped ship. Slovenia left after a brief conflict (like 10 days or something) and got away with it. Then they offered the other regions similar deals. Bosnia took the bait, unfortunately, and tried to secede. Serbia, trying to keep everything together, was goaded into using armed force to try to keep Bosnia from leaving. There's a special reason the Serbs are angry at the Bosniaks; in WWII, the Nazis and their collaborators devastated the Serb population while the Bosnians remained relatively unscathed. Seriously horrible things were done to these people at the Jasenovac concentration camp - things that even disgusted the Nazis so much that they complained to their headquarters about it. Jasenovac is located close to the Bosnian border. This doesn't justify what the Serbs did, it just gives some perspective. People who have seldom been shown any mercy are not likely to show much mercy to others. Anyway, the worst of the South Slavs was, and still is, not the Serbs, but the Ustashist Croats. But all that is another post.

With the breakup of Yugoslavia's socialist system, the new countries would be poor, desperate and eager to join the EU where they would be lured with promises of prosperity, only to be exploited for cheap labor and/or prostitution. The West knew that. They wanted to eliminate a socialist country AND free up its human and other resources for capitalist exploitation. About all the rape and violence, well, they didn't care about that as long as they got what they wanted. And they did.

So this is the European fucking Union, where life is so civilized and grand. They're clear-cutting the forests around here and shipping the logs off to the West. Everything is astronomically expensive compared to what it once was, and yet, the wages aren't getting any higher. In fact, nobody around here can find a job. Eventually most of them will relocate west, work as construction workers or in low-paid service jobs doing the things rich western Europeans can't be bothered to do. They'll be discriminated against, too. Attractive looking women will be sucked into the porn machine and destroyed. And this is no accident. This is capitalism. This is what capitalism does.

Meanwhile in Bosnia, people sleep on the floors of bombed-out buildings, buildings that have warning signs telling you to keep away, there is still live ammunition inside. They do this because there's nowhere else to go.

I wonder when Angelina fucking Jolie is going to rip off THEIR story and make a movie out of it. But without any rape she can glamorize, she probably wouldn't be interested.

Fuck capitalism, and fuck celebrities.

*______________________________________*

"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 7:53pm.

@kiki - I love the Express! the gossip snippets in the front section are hilarious. One or two sentences of dead-on snark is just what you need to start your day off right.

_______________________________________________

Never question Bruce Dickinson!

Submitted by z-listed on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 7:43pm.

I am SO fucking tired of Angelina Jolie!!!!!!

Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 6:59pm.

"I don't care of that Wallis Simpson woman and everyone knows that Edward regretted abdicating the throne for her. He wasn't comfortable being King and she was the "excuse" he needed to get out of Buckingham Palace. But years later, he realized it wasn't worth it. SHE wasn't worth it.

I don't care what "love" story Madonna wants to spin... the truth is far more interesting than the myth."

Really? The shit you learn on Dlisted. Can you recommend any good books about the topic? I always heard she was an asshole, but more in passing.
***************
It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.

Submitted by lovelylaney on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 6:55pm.

Is Brad trying out for the role of Mr. Monopoly?

Submitted by kikichanelconspiracy on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 7:07pm.

"Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 11:49am.
I just want to beat him over the head with that cane.

Who gives a fuck if she was crying in the shower anyway? No one gave a flip when I was forced to watch Salt on a cross country flight once.
********
EVIL!! I keep missing my comment twin. *sobs*

This is why everyone needs an Irish mother in their life. Once your Irish mother established that you were not dying, she'd bitch you for being such a melodramatic jackass. Then she'd wash down that lecture with a spray of guilt about the starving children in Africa who have is so much worse than YOU. Then she'd remind you that water isn't FREE and she and your father work too goddamn hard to indulge this adolescent bullshit and you had better pull it together by the time she shuts the shower curtain, Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

As for these two, it disgusts me how far the media is up their assholes. The Washington Post has a free daily paper called the Express. It's basically commuters. To cover her movie, it opened with (paraphrasing) 'Quick, what was the Bosnian conflict about? If you can't answer this, go see Angelina Jolie's new movie 'The Land of Blood and Honey'.

Now, a few years back, I was in graduate school. My thesis was on the criminal justice systems failure to address genocide. Yeah, fun times. I found the Bosnian conflict so confusing (at first), I had a map of the former Yugoslavia above my desk, with all the relevant countries/regions highlighted. I even used flagged pushpins with the names of the key players. My point being, it was that fucking confusing to an outsider. I should also note that my thesis included all genocidal conflict (Rwanda, the Nazis, Cambodia, etc, etc) and the Balkan conflict was the only one that was so complex that I relied on a map and flowchart to get straight what the fuck was what.

My point is, if someone said to me 'Hey, I'm really wondering what happened during the Bosnian conflict, I think I'm going to go see Angelina Jolie's new movie', I would punch their balls off and then as they were writhing on the floor in pain, I'd leave behind my copies of 'A Problem from Hell'/'The Impossible Country' and 'Balkan Ghosts' and tell them to properly educate themselves. Damn.

As for Rwanda, I would also highly recommend Romeo Dallaire's 'Shake Hands With the Devil'. He was so fucked up by what happened in Rwanda that he tried to commit suicide. Even though I slagged on Jolie's movie, I also highly recommend a movie HBO did about the Rwanda genocide, called 'Sometimes in April'. Heads and shoulders above 'Hotel Rwanda', even I love, love, LOVE Don Cheadle. But don't forget everyone, Angelina Jolie not only is the pre-eminent authority on genocide, she invented humanity intervention. Bow before the Almighty Jolie. *barfs*
***************
It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 6:01pm.

Turtle - I sure hope you called her an asshole!

Submitted by Karen Flatts on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 5:55pm.

Ain't she real and relatable now folks?

Submitted by Meatblocks on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 10:17am.
it ain't awesome until flatts shits on it.

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt

Submitted by Karen Flatts on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 5:53pm.

Most injuries like this require crutches, not fucking canes. He is apparently way too cool for normal medical practices.

Pimp daddy liar Brad is in the house.

Submitted by Meatblocks on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 10:17am.
it ain't awesome until flatts shits on it.

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt

Submitted by TurtReturns on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 5:22pm.

Submitted by kittymuffin on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 6:47pm.
He doesn't seem to be using that cane correctly, that shit is all for show..like people who wear glasses to look smart

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I hate that shit. This skank where I used to work once yanked my glasses right off of my face and said "Do you wear these because you need them or because you think they make you look cute?" For the record I can't see shit without them.

The next day she showed up in dollar store Buddy Holly glasses.

Submitted by kittymuffin on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 5:17pm.

He doesn't seem to be using that cane correctly, that shit is all for show..like people who wear glasses to look smart

plus he looks like he has a prosthetic hand.

Submitted by warmislandsun on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 4:56pm.

Submitted by precociousmagpie on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 2:12pm.
Maybe I read too quickly, but why is there no mention of Brad's cane? Why is two-legged Brad Pitt carrying a cane? He's not wearing a top hat, or a monocle. It's not the 1920's. He's not blind. Why the cane??

He's prepping for his next role - Mr. Peanut.

Submitted by Big Bertha on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 4:52pm.

darfur orphans are crying in their timble full of rice.

_______________________________________________
Dale Doback: Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!

Submitted by kittymuffin on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 4:49pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 5:39pm.

This nonsense makes my butthole pucker!

Sinead O'Connor syndrome

Submitted by Near_Dark on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 4:24pm.

amazing, so both brad and angie have anorexia, no wonder they are such a good couple, they can count calories together
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Only love can break your heart

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 4:09pm.

This nonsense makes my butthole pucker!

Submitted by Hellraiser on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 4:04pm.

She didn't plan to become a director yet goes on and on about it three times in this little snippet? I am already tired of the celeb spin and BS and awards season has just started...

And this is so GD funny:

Submitted by louise_brooks on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 11:50am.

"What would have been awesome is if he (Brad)stuck the cane between some bricks and did a big somersault ala Willy Wonka."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_________________________________________________

"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."

Submitted by kittymuffin on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 3:41pm.

Submitted by Albatross on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 4:44pm.

Great. Now I'm going to be singing "Secret Lovers" for the rest of the night

I have "Muskrat Love " stuck in my head..great.

Submitted by Albatross on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 3:14pm.

Great. Now I'm going to be singing "Secret Lovers" for the rest of the night.

**********
"I prefer my pieces the same way I prefer my Slim Jims, long, lean and mute" --the incomparable MK

Submitted by Whatever on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 3:02pm.

He looks like a total douche with the cane. When is he going to wake-up and dumb the needy troll and go out with his real love George.

Submitted by Paige123 on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 2:23pm.

I am surprised HE was not crying after seeing her Skeleton body.

Submitted by luvsmekitty on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 2:01pm.

WTF? Where did George's neck go? He looks like a Jib Jab character.

Submitted by grommet on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 1:24pm.

Now HE looks like a skeleton.

Eat some food, assholes.

Submitted by Libra on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 1:19pm.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 2:30pm.
Maybe the emotional breakdown was her overwhelming guilt due to having ripped off the entire story for this movie from some author!

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ROFL... So true!!!! Man the more she opens her mouth, the more she sounds like a desperate, needy drama queen who thinks the whole freakin world should revolve around her and ONLY her! Damn

Submitted by Gigaboob on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 1:08pm.

*Tears* Poor dear. I'd hug her but I'm afraid she'd crack in half.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 1:00pm.

Maybe the emotional breakdown was her overwhelming guilt due to having ripped off the entire story for this movie from some author!

_______________________________________________

Never question Bruce Dickinson!

Submitted by Two Drink Min on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:57pm.

Here's here PR pitch - basically things she wants us to know
1. Brad saw her in the shower..even her troubled times are sexualized in some way...
2. That this was SOOO emotionally taxing on her.
3. She didn't want to direct she didn't write this script in two days w. the flu to direct this NO WAY!!!! SHE WAS BECKONED!!! BEGGED!!!!

Submitted by Two Drink Min on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:54pm.

MORE ANGIE CONTRADICTIONS...
first says directing is not that hard and now it's breakdown invoking...

Submitted by precociousmagpie on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:42pm.

Maybe I read too quickly, but why is there no mention of Brad's cane? Why is two-legged Brad Pitt carrying a cane? He's not wearing a top hat, or a monocle. It's not the 1920's. He's not blind. Why the cane?? Did he tear his Achilles tendon doing some strenuous press junketing? Isn't this the second time he's been photographed with that cane (and same tuxedo)? It's reminding me of the Stupid Newsboy Cap Phase of last year. If I have to look at that ridiculous cane for three weeks… I don't know, man.

Submitted by Mustang Sally on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:38pm.

You're all just jealous because of the incandescent, mind-blowing love and desire that these two have for each other. And by 'these two', I mean thumbnails 4, 9...oh, hell, take your pick, since there are so many examples to choose from. :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7upBJ63qGwY

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:30pm.

Clooney could play the lead in "Honey, I shrunk myself". His side-piece is making him look like a frail old man.

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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden

Submitted by de Cosmos on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:23pm.

... and thus the tears of Santa Angelina washed away the troubles of the World...

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:16pm.

@Stefystef - That and how she completely ignores the fact that they were both admirers of Hitler. How does one skip that? How does she balance her Cabala studys with admiring someone who was a fan of the head Nazi? Vadge is insane...and is only making up the history she wants to portray.

Submitted by guest on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:18pm.

Little Rascal...get back here! :). Dog was horning in on my speshul moment with The Wahmz when it happened. IF doesn't know about that tho.

Edit
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by guest on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:08pm.

Oh sorry to hear that DK. :( Anj is insufferable...no doubt. & lmao @ the Mr. Peanut references!

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:06pm.

Submitted by guest on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 1:06pm.

Oh & BTW...I had a brief moment with Whamo while you were away. :p

=========
Just you wait till Dog finds out. *scampers away*

Submitted by stefystef on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:05pm.

Oh, and let me say on the record, if given the choice, I'd see Jolie movie over the Madonna flick anyday.

I don't care of that Wallis Simpson woman and everyone knows that Edward regretted abdicating the throne for her. He wasn't comfortable being King and she was the "excuse" he needed to get out of Buckingham Palace. But years later, he realized it wasn't worth it. SHE wasn't worth it.

I don't care what "love" story Madonna wants to spin... the truth is far more interesting than the myth.

______________________________________________________________
All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11

Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 12:01pm.

Hi, Guest! Haven't been around in a while because a family member has recently been diagnosed with the big C. Nonetheless, even he is less dramatic about it than Angie about her fucking directing debut. Useless cunt will never have "real people" problems.

Why does Brad look like the Peanut guy? First he was trying to channel the KFC guy, now the Peanut guy. Wonder if next red carpet he will wear an eye patch.

It's never too late to be who you might have been.
~George Eliot~

Submitted by stefystef on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 11:59am.

I hate to say it, but Brad looks pretty good.
I mean, he's a bit thin for my personal taste (I lean more towards the Joe Manganiello/Jason Momoa types), but he looks clean, yet casual.

My only problem with the award shows is that those who are winning are winning for movies no one saw or will be seeing. I can't know if they have great performances or not because the movies themselves have no appeal for me. $12 is alot of me to waste on something I ain't gonna like much.

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All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11

Submitted by DonnaInMichigan on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 11:52am.

We only have to read about her. Can you imagine what Brad (and those children) have to endure every day of his/their life, living with this drama queen? The mood swings, the maniac behaviors? Give that man an award. No not the Oscar, not the Golden Globe, but a HUGE humanitarian award, because of the atrocities I am sure HE has been witness to in that household. No wonder he looks like a 60 yr old man, who is broken. It takes a physical and mental toll on a person when he/she has to live with a psychopath!
I really think that she could put Joan Crawford (mommy dearest) to shame!