But Why Did He Cut Off His Luscious Locks?!!!!

Here’s a quick update about this morning’s Hot Slut of the Day Ted Williams, the homeless man who won’t be homeless for long thanks to his radio perfect voice. Ted not only made his radio debut this morning, but he also appeared live on CBS’ Early Show where he showed off a new look. Gone are the long follicles that made him look like he was always riding in the back seat of a convertible speeding down PCH.

Ted could be standing in a windowless room without vents and still look like Kirstie Alley simultaneously queefed and farted his way. Not since Beyonce have I seen someone with that gift. But now it’s gone. I understand. The whole “out with the old” shit. Ted’s new hair makes him look like a mash-up of Tim Meadows and Obama, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Below is Ted’s interview with the Early Show this morning. Ted says that he’s on his way to NYC this afternoon to see his 92-year-old mom. Warning: this clip will make the warm emotion called “love” hitchhike towards the frozen tundra that is your heart. Don’t play if you want to stay cunty.

TDW also has a rundown of all the offers that have come Ted’s way since the Internet made him a star a hot second ago. The Cleveland Cavaliers offered him a full-time job and an entire house. The Ohio Credit Union League also gave Ted a $10,000 check in exchange for voice-over work.

You see, the Internet isn’t TOTALLY a cesspool that sucks souls and destroys lives. Every now and again it spits out something good.