How Do I Live Without Boobs?

A source tells UsWeekly that LeAnn Rimes (pictured last week on the right, and last summer on the left) asked herself that question over and over again, and so she finally made the decision to surgically enhance her chest area to make it as plump as the hills she glides through every night in Fantastica. The source went on to claim that LeAnn is bold as hell, because she used the plastic surgeon of Eddie Cibrian’s ex-wife Brandi Glanville. LeAnn even went for the same cup size as Brandi’s plastic titty sacks. Let’s see, so LeAnn brought in a picture of the tits her fiance used to lick on and told her plastic surgeon, “Give me that!” Yeah, that totally isn’t going to be used as a sample sentence in the dictionary for the word DESPERATE. Nope, not at all.

The source (whose name probably rhymes with Mandi Flanhill) said that LeAnn got implants put in really, really recently, “She’s always, always been insecure about her size. She was a small A-cup. She often talked about wanting to get implants. She’d say, “I just want a little bit so they’re proportionate to my body.’”

And I guess, irony tastes like silicone today, because the source also claims that LeAnn always made fun of Brandi for looking artificial, “When Brandi and LeAnn were constantly fighting, one of LeAnn’s jabs at Brandi was that she was plastic. Brandi replied, ‘Be careful, honey. That’s what Eddie likes. You’ll be there someday too.’ Looks like Brandi was right!”

Really, it doesn’t matter. We all have tit implants nowadays. That being said, LeAnn still should’ve had D-cup eyeballs installed into her sockets so she could clearly see that Eddie Cibrian is a douchebag asshole with a wandering peen that won’t quit. Implants or not.