If you happen to be kayaking on the Atlantic Ocean this weekend, you might see Kate Gosselin’s rabid possum hair dog paddling next to you looking all cunty-like with foam pouring out of it. That’s because Jon is in St. Tropez with his whore and it’s going to GIT ‘EM!
Jon’s whore happens to be Hailey Glassman, the daughter of the plastic surgeon who tucked and pinned Kate’s tummy!
Jon is in St. Tropez to discuss a job opportunity with the premiere designer for dick bags: Christian Audigier (the Ed Hardy dude). Jon is seriously speeding down the “Early Mid-Life Crisis” expressway headed directly for DouchebagVille. I mean, diamond studs? CHECK! Shirt that looks like it was made using the vomit of drunk frat boys? CHECK! Hair plugs? CHECK! Girlfriend that looks like a salty, dehydrated version of Mariah Carey? CHECK! The only way Jon could take his douchebaggery to a higher level is if he put out a rap album. POPO NO!
You better work on your OMGSHOCK face for when you hear the news that Jon and Hailey were mysteriously mauled by a beastly creature with chunky highlights.