Robert Pattinson Hates Soap

Robert Pattinson also hates shampoo. And conditioner. And shower puffs. Fuck, he even hates water, because the dude apparently never washes his shit and it’s starting to gross out whores on the set of New Moon. Pig Pen lives in RPattz! So the sparkle dust must really be shiny dirt particles.

Some source who hasn’t grown to appreciate the fresh scene of a farting unicorn in the morning told E! (via SS), “He stinks. I mean, it’s awful. He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy. He completely reeks.”

Robert himself will be the first to tell you that he isn’t really a fan of that washing his ass or anything else. A while ago Robert said he can go weeks, if not YEARS, without washing his magical forest hair, “I have so much residue crap in my hair from years and years and years of not washing it and not having any sense of personal hygiene whatsoever.”

I’m sure there has to be another reason why RPattz likes to make cheese on his body. He must feed the glittery unicorns that frolic through his hair! If he doesn’t wash his business, they can nibble on all the cheese they want! And he also probably thinks that if he reeks like Eww de Dick Butter, it will keep the sparkle-hungry fangirls off of him. Wrong. Because they will gladly lick his vampire ass crack. Butt jelly and all.