Valkyrie Is A Comedy!

Tommy Girl gives the comedic performance of the year in “Valkyrie” according to some hos who have already seen it. The movie has already been pushed back a few times, but now it’s set to come out the day after Christmas. Merry Christmas! Let’s watch some shit show about Nazis starring the last bitch I want to spend the holidays with.

A few people who have seen the movie told MSNBC’s The Scoop that everyone in the theater uncomfortably laughed at Tommy Girl’s performance. Once scene features Tommy Girl trying to do the Heil Hitler salute. “It’s an unsettling scene but you almost start to laugh. His character is resisting it but you never forget it’s Tom Cruise saying ‘Heil Hitler.’ It’s funny and shocking at the same time.” You know while Tommy was trying to do the salute, he had to clench his hungry hole so that his other hand didn’t come up to complete the “A” in Y.M.C.A.

Another ho said that Tommy only does a German accent at the beginning of the movie, “The film just isn’t a thriller at all. It’s a bunch of white guys in Nazi uniforms. It’s too bad. And Tom doesn’t speak with a German accent — though they did add a voiceover of him speaking German to the beginning of the film. Still, it’s as if he could say ‘I complete you’ at any time. This is not his Oscar moment.” I’m surprised that Tommy didn’t do a German accent. I hear he does a FIERCE Marlene Dietrich impersonation!

Johnny Travolta better start lubing up his hand, because he’s going to need to give Tommy Girl a consoling fist fuck when this movie fails in an epic way at the box office.