Cameron Diaz Thinks All Women Have Thought About Scissoring Each Other

In today’s sermon from Cameron Diaz, the current Pastor of Pussylove United Church, we’ll be taking a break from talking about vaginas. Sadly, the Vagina Series has been put on a temporary hiatus until more comparisons to delicate flowers can be made (several regretful alternate metaphors were tossed around, including comparing the vagina to cheeseburgers and/or Popples). Instead, we’ll be focusing on Pastor Cammy’s theories on female sexuality, specifically the idea of when one woman’s Popple turns inside-out for another woman. When asked about whether she’s ever been attracted to another woman, Pastor Diaz told Glamour UK:

“I think women are beautiful – absolutely beautiful. And I think that all women have been sexually attracted to another woman at some point. It’s natural to have a connectivity and an appreciation for the beauty of other women.”

Normally, I err on the side of Pastor Cammy is Not Smart, but she’s kind of got a point. Personally, I’ve never felt compelled to finger-pop another woman’s Popple, but who knows? I’m still young (or at least, young-adjacent). Maybe one day I’ll see a chick in line at the grocery store buying 2 bags of Cool Ranch ‘Reets and a box of Theraflu, not giving a single fuck that she’s wearing leggings in public and that they’ve got a giant Diet Coke stain on them, and catch myself saying: “Daaaamn! Somebody better call Jesus and tell him an angel is missing from Dirtbag Heaven.” Even if I don’t wanna pop her Popple, I can at least appreciate her beauty.

Here’s more of Cameron Diaz trying to rub her Ya-Ya Sistersnatch up on Leslie Mann at CinemaCon 2014 (whatever the fuck that is) in Las Vegas. Cammy strikes me as the type who’s yoo-hoo is 24/7 horny, so I like to imagine her whispering into Leslie Mann’s ear: “You know what they say: what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! Did you know that I made a movie called What Happens in Vegas? Why don’t we go back up to my room and talk about that over a glass of wine and several hits of ecstasy?” And because this whole story has been pretty clam-heavy, it’s only fair that I also include some pictures of Damon Wayans Jr. and Jake Johnson at the same event dressed as hot cops:

Pics: Splash

Taylor Swift Took Her Current Obsession On A Forest Fairy-Filled Adventure

Because all her other best girlfriends were busy with SAT prep and yearbook committee, the sentient American Girl doll that is Taylor Swift had to call up one of her over-20 BFMLSILY’s (Best Friends? More Like Sisters! I Love You) to join her on a road trip to Big Sur. And since Taylor’s currently pushing the hard Single White Female sale to Karlie Kloss, the two cranked the Michelle Branch and let loose on the open road.

Both Taylor and Karlie Instagrammed the shit out of their trip (because if it didn’t happen unless it happened on Instagram) and after looking at all the pictures, I’ve come to the conclusion I would never ever ever want to take a road trip with Taylor Swift, because it was some Sisterhood of the Traveling Peppermint Marshmallows bullshit.

So much goddamn hugging and kissing and staring in wonder at trees and dancing along the sand like you’re in a fucking tampon commercial; these pictures are so artificially sweet, Snow White is looking at them thinking “Jesus, take it down a notch, you’re going to give the woodland creatures tooth decay.” And all we needed was Zooey Deschanel to pop out of an enchanted tree stump with a ukelele, singing a song about friendship, and you’d have the Strawberry Shortcake version of Crossroads.

(Pics: Taylor Swift, Karlie Kloss)