Suri Has A Wonderful Relationship With Skype Daddy Cruise, Thank You Very Much

The hits just keep on coming for Tom Cruise.

First, Nicole Kidman broke the news that he was never the love of her life, forcing Tom to wipe his tears and blow his nose between the meaty butt cheeks of John Travolta in the audit room of their Church (the Sciento version of motor boating).  Then, Tom had to roll up the sleeves of his GapKids oxford shirt and bring the power of Xenu down upon a few tabloids, who dared suggest he has abandoned his daughter, Suri, leaving her to be raised alone by Katie Holmes.

Radar (via The Daily Mail) says Tom is suing the publisher of Life & Style and InTouch magazines for $50 million after the magazines ran covers saying he dropped Suri like she asked him to go get ice cream with the gays after divorcing Katie.

‘I have in no way cut Suri out of my life – whether physically, emotionally, financially or otherwise,’ Tom declares in the documents obtained by Radar.

He also wrote: ‘While I’m sure my daughter misses me when I am not with her (as I miss her), she is a very happy child, and we have a wonderful relationship and cheerful phone calls.’

In the documents, the 51-year-old cites specific times following the June 2012 divorce when he saw his eight-year-old daughter in the flesh.

Tom states in the declaration: ‘Even during the times when I was working overseas and was not able to see Suri in person, we were (and continue to be) extremely close.’

But Tom, who was last photographed with Suri in August 2012, says his schedule did not have an adverse effect on his relationship with Suri in any way.

He declared: ‘As my numerous emails with Suri’s mother during this time period demonstrate, I was a constant presence in Suri’s life.’

Oh, so it’s “Suri’s mother” now, is it? The Artist Formerly Known As Kate must be thrilled he’s dropped his power play bullshit with her name. I’m kind of bummed this isn’t taking place in an actual courtroom. I’m sure Tom never passes up the chance to grin that toothclopsy grin and yell, “You can’t handle the truth!!”

Those phone calls do sound really special, though. Suri probably loves being best girlfriends with Skype Daddy Cruise when she’s not throwing a tantrum somewhere or telling her mom what to wear. Finally, he has someone to giggle with while he doodles hearts around David Miscavige’s name in his diary and starts a Slam Book on Leah Remini. Suri can tell him what heels to wear to elongate legs legs and shut him down if he tries to hit the pool dressed as an 80’s aerobic instructor again. It sounds spectacular and magical, just like Suri!

(Photo: Wenn.com)