Rosie O Is Coming Back To TV

This Thanksgiving, you’ll get two turkey dinners with all the fixings, because Rosie O’Donnell’s new variety show debuts that day. Rosie and NBC announced that her new variety show called “Rosie’s Pie-Eating Hour” will air live on November 26th. I was being dumb about the title. It’s called “Rosie’s Variety Hour.” If the Thanksgiving special does well, NBC could order a full season of the show.

The Ausiello Files reports that NBC ordered a “backdoor pilot” of the show. Backdoor pilot? Count Tommy Girl in! He’ll bring the lube and anal lip clamps.

“Rose’s Variety Hour” will feature a monologue, celebrity guests, musical acts, comedy skits and a giant giveaway. Basically it’s going to be a big glittery homo fiesta with a dash of dykeness. Rojo Caliente should be the in-house go go dancer!

Rosie said: “This is a dream come true for any performer. Old time variety, live from New York with a nod to Ed Sullivan, Carol Burnett and memories of Sonny and Cher.”

You better believe I’ll be watching this shit. It’s probably going to be even better because I’ll be stuffed and wasted. Nothing helps your food digest like a big heaping help of Rosie O! Elisabeth Hasselbeck should be her first guest. They need a re-match….in a cage….. while wearing bikini thongs ….and covered in hot oil. And I just made myself sick.

The Rosie O’Donnell Show Is Back!

…For one time only….

Rachael Ray will bring back “The Rosie O’Donnell Show” for an encore episode on May 2nd. Yup, hell does exist and this is proof.

Rachael completely transformed her own show into Rosie’s old show. Rachael even brought back John McDaniel. And if Rosie and Rachael teaming up isn’t reason enough for the apocalypse, the two will do a huge dance number at the end. Note to God: PULL THE PLUG!

Rosie and Rachael will talk about everything from Tommy Girl to “The View” to Martha Stewart.

Tomorrow is definitely the strangest day in television:

Rachael Ray and Rosie O’Donnell
Oprah and Tommy Girl
Gary Coleman on Divorce Court (Part II)

Basically, tomorrow is the end of the world. Save me a seat on the short bus to hell!

Rosie O’Donnell Wants To Be The New Face Of Mental Illness

Rosie O’Donnell would like to relieve Britney Spears of her duties as the unofficial face of mental illness. Rosie told “Good Morning America” that she should replace Brit. Rosie said, “I sort of feel Britney has become the poster child (for mental illness). The kid is very young. She never had a childhood. She never rode a Big Wheel. Rather than put her face on mental illness, or Brooke Shields, who had postpartum depression, use me.”

Rosie never rode a big wheel either. It kept breaking. Rosie thinking Britney is the poster child for mental illness is proof enough that Rosie should not be the face of mental illness.

And in totally sane Rosie news, she still isn’t over that stupid spat on “The View.” She said on “The Martha Stewart Show“, “There was people there telling me what to do. There was a little Republican who scared me.” Take my hand Rosie, it’s time to walk away from that. The little Republican will continue to scare us all and you’re kind of scaring me by not moving on. Eat a muffin and skip along.

Here’s RoRo signing that children’s craft book of hers at Barnes & Nobles yesterday.

Which One’s The Dude?

If I told you the bitch in the middle was a lesbian named Esther from Asheville, North Carolina, you would believe me 100%. Rosie O’Donnell thought about having a hot lesbo threesome with Clay Gayken for a split second, but then smelled his ball sweat and called it a night.

Here’s these three happy lesbians backstage at “Spamalot” last night. The Susan Powter looking chick is Rosie’s main bitch, Kelly.

Danny Noriega: Princess Of The High Seas

Rosie O’Donnell has offered a job to our favorite faux chola, Danny Noriega, on her R Family Cruise to Mexico next week. Rosie said on her blog that she would love him to come out with a friend or his family and perform “Tainted Love.”

She also said that Cyndi Lauper was also set to perform on the cruise and Danny could duet with her. Rosie went on to say, “I think you’re fantastic. And I think you’re a bold and brave and beautiful young man. And I admire you, Danny Noriega. You have an amazing voice. And your hair looks good straight.”

That’s the only thing that’s straight on him. Rosie only asked him, because she wants to find out if his ass tastes as good as pussy. Shit, I’m nasty, but you know Danny’s a-hole secretes a little vag juice. Ok, I’ll stop!

Anyway, Danny should only it if he gets to headline. Danny is going to be a big shining star…….on the drag circuit.

VIA People

Thanks Kathryn

Rosie Wants To Lose Weight

I figured Rosie O’Donnell as one of those types that was perfectly fine with the way they looked. The kind of person that really doesn’t give an eff. I guess that type doesn’t really exist. Rosie confessed on her blog that she has been drinking too much and is laying off the bottle, because she wants to drop a few. One reader asked her why she was not drinking beer anymore. Rosie wrote:

cause i was drinking too much
cause i didnt want to anymore
cause it is hard to lose weight wen drinking
cause i can never have only one

cause belly gettin to big
cause kelly culd no longer eat cat
cause belly in way
cause like wen kelly munch muffin
cause belly must go

Rosie didn’t write that last part, but you know that’s the real reason. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Source: Page Six