Goopy Paltrow, Who Once Said That She’ll Never Go To The Met Gala Again, Was At This Year’s Met Gala 

The lady on the left (aka my hero) is either throwing a looking that says, “This bitch has the nerve showing up after shitting on this event,” or she just inhaled one of Goopy’s artisanal locally-sourced farts. Goopy must’ve gotten gas from the organic chickpea skin and dragon fruit water cleanse she went on to get into her Calvin Klein dress.

Four years ago, Goopy Paltrow raised her nose up at the Met Gala and basically said she’d rather get boned by a can of spray cheese in the middle of a Golden Corral while wearing Old Navy than go again.

“I’m never going again. It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.”

But look at what the $25,000 pure bred Bengal cat dragged into tonight’s Met Gala.

Goopy has created an evil union of pretentious horror by teaming up with Anna Wintour for Goop the Magazine, so that’s probably why she decided to taint her Cle de Peau Beaute-covered delicate skin with the sweat fumes of common peasants. Goopy did it for business reasons. So she can totally write off the gallons of Purellé: Black Label she’s going to bathe in to rid her body of the provincial stench of the Met Gala. But really, whenever you’re going through some serious shit and suffering in a real way, remember the time that Goopy Paltrow plugged her nose and went into the sauna of plebeian sweat that is the Met Gala. Let that brave moment inspire you. If Goopy can go back to the Met Gala after the traumatic experience she went through, you can do anything.

And here’s more of Goopy proving that she don’t give a fuck about the Met Gala by wearing the slip version of her 1999 Oscar dress.

Pics: Getty

Who Worked It Better? (I Can’t Believe I’m Asking Either) 

I mean, the only correct answer is: Lydia Deetz, forever and always.

If you’ve ever wanted to know what it would look like if Aunt Flow was a human person and dropped the wrong kind of acid while shopping for the wedding look she plans on wearing while marrying Johnny 5 from Short Circuit, Katy Perry answered that question at tonight’s Meth Gala. The theme for this year’s Met Gala is Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons, and I don’t know if “WiFi-enabled overused lace tampon” fits that theme, but if it does, then Katy Perry nailed it. It’s as if Susan Powter was possessed by the spirit of Lady Gaga and I honestly don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Katy wore a custom John Galliano for Margiela, so yeah, trick is on a roll. Katy Perry is supposed to be fully woke. But well, first she does a song with a hip hop trio who spewed out anti-gay shit. Then she dribbled out an Obama joke that made people scalp her head of the little hair she has left. And now she’s wearing an outfit made by a designer who was convicted of anti-Semitism in France. I expect to wake up tomorrow to the news that Katy has signed on to play Pocahontas in a movie that was written by Woody Allen, will be directed by Roman Polanski and co-stars Mel Gibson. Either Katy has decided to say “fuck it” to Woke Katy and is trolling, or Taylor Swift’s black magic curse on her rival worked!

Pics: Getty