Mimi Did Not Lip-Synch On American Idol Last Night, So Says Mimi

I turned on the TV about halfway-ish through the American Idol finale last night and when the sight of Frankie Valli performing with the losing dudes hit my eyes, I immediately scrambled for safety by changing the channel to anything but that. I was one hundred percent sober and it was too much messiness for my eyes, ears and soul to take. The only gore I want to see on a Thursday night is Dr. Lecter making meat flan out of human bone marrow on Hannibal. But I probably should’ve kept watching that mess to catch the unicorn nightingale that is Mimi possibly lip-synch for her life!

While wearing Barbie’s Christmas time wedding gown circa 1987, Mimi coated the ear canals of her lambs with pixie dust when she sang a medley of some of her hits. The lambs ate it up with a Hello Kitty spoon, but some people on Twitter declared that Mimi’s lip-synch performance was so bad that a deaf baby high on Novocaine could’ve done a better lip-synch job. But Mimi’s reps tell Entertainment Tonight that she did yodel out organic musical notes and did not move her mouth to a track:

Well, ET can set the record straight as Mariah’s reps tell us she absolutely sang the entire medley — Vision of Love, Make It Happen, My All, Hero, We Belong Together and her new single #Beautiful — completely live! Not only that, but we hear she delighted the crowd in between live shots by singing additional hits.

To me, sometimes it looks like she’s really singing and other times it looks like she’s yawning while Windex-ing an imaginary window. Who knows and I doubt Mimi really cares. It’s only American Idol, bitch isn’t coming back next season and I’m sure her final paycheck from FOX cleared before she went onstage. Mimi is onto other things like overseeing the design of a giant replica of a unicorn’s anus for her and Nick to exchange their vows in front of on their fifth and a half wedding anniversary.

Here’s the chick who won, the chick who lost, a deranged chola Muppet and Glamberace at last night’s season finale party.

Adam Lambert Throws Shade At “Les Miz”

She’s really bringing that direct-to-dvd Disney villainess thing to life, huh? Adam Lambert saw Miserable Lesbians, was dismayed by the singing, and sauntered onto Twitter to let them have it, hunty. Fuck, this blog is starting to become DLesMized. Blame her.

‘Les Mis: Visually impressive w great Emotional performances. But the score suffered massively with great actors PRETENDING to be singers. It’s an opera. Hollywoods movie musicals treat the singing as the last priority. (Dreamgirls was good).’

Wise choice not coming for Beyonce. She would simply whisper into Blue Ivy’s ear, BIC’s eyes would turn pure white, and all of Lambert’s M.A.C. products would spontaneously combust.

Lambert went on to say that he thought Anne Hathaway was great, though. Sweet Jesus, do NOT give that bitch any more lube.

“One more clarification: DO go see it for Anne Hathaways performance. It’s was breathtaking.”

It’s heartening to find someone else whose grammar is worse than mine. Not by much. This bitch is pressed because he wanted to play the emaciated French hooker. He had a whole glittery ragamuffin costume made for the audition, and a daring makeup scheme devised complete with a “starvation” smokey eye. Gritty but still glamorous. Then he found out he’d have to shave his head. Ain’t nobody touchin’ Miz Adam’s mop.

The only exposure I’ve actually had to Adam Lambert performing was this rendition of Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” when he was on Idol. Girl, he made it into a sultry Middle Eastern-themed gay bar torch song about looking for a Q-tip to soothe his inflamed-with-passion asshole. It sounds like it would have added some much needed flair to Les Miz, so it’s a shame they didn’t go with a “real” singer.