Hot Slut Of The Day!
Kevin, the captain of the turkey army of Woburn, Massachusetts!
Last week, when many turkeys were cowering in fear and trying to disguise themselves in cute bunny and puppy costumes while watching humans gleefully devour their ancestors on Turkey Day, Kevin and his little army of hooligan turkeys were doing the exact opposite. They were sending the people of Woburn, Massachusetts running in fear of them! And they’ve been terrorizing Woburn for a couple of years now. So on Thanksgiving in Woburn, you don’t eat the turkey; the turkey eats you!
The Guardian says that about two years ago, Kevin and his gang of gobble gobble goons arrived in Woburn and have been fucking shit up ever since. Cujo must be looking at Kevin and Ko. like, “Damn, turkeys, calm down.” Because Kevin and his gang whip up some mayhem by going after humans and cars. They have stopped traffic and kept people from leaving their houses. Meaghan Tolson, a nurse who lives in Woburn, named those flock of messes and has been documenting their antics on Twitter. She tells The Guardian that Kevin and his kohorts have taken over the neighborhood, and people have learned how to deal with them.
“They don’t let you out of your house,” said Meaghan Tolson, who lives in Woburn and has named the turkeys. “They peck at cars, they stop traffic. They go after kids on bikes. If you’re walking or jogging, or anything like that, they come for you.”
The neighborhood’s become a lot more aware,” Tolson, a nurse, said. “A lot of people will leave brooms or rakes at their front door so that they can get them out if the turkeys are there.” Tolson said she has even found herself trapped in her home by the birds. “Some days it is frustrating. I’ll be like: ‘Oh my God, there’s an Amazon package’ and I can’t go get it, because the turkeys are there.
“Then I just have to wait until nightfall. I’ve kind of adjusted over time to it. I know their routine now, so I can kind of work around [them].”
Meaghan says that she’s noticed that when Kevin isn’t around, the other turkeys are calmer and don’t act a mess. So Kevin is a true conductor of chaos! But Meaghan adds that yes, they’re a massive pain in the ass, but she doesn’t really mind them since they’re just turkeys! Cue up the Jaws theme and get into these clips of Kevin fucking with Meaghan!
Not a morning person #kevin pic.twitter.com/I6VJucdsd5
— Meaghan Elizabeth (@Meaghanneliza) November 22, 2022
Morning jog ! pic.twitter.com/78BnsX47CL
— Meaghan Elizabeth (@Meaghanneliza) November 22, 2022
Have to figure out a strategy.. how to get inside pic.twitter.com/VIdAg9k8w5
— Meaghan Elizabeth (@Meaghanneliza) November 22, 2022
The Guardian says that Kevin’s chokehold on Woburn goes back to the 1970s. Turkeys are native to the US but died out in Massachusetts in the mid-1850s. In the 1970s, a group of biologists decided to amp up the turkey population in Massachusetts and reintroduced 37 turkeys to the area. There are now about 35,000 in the state. And as of last year, there were a little under 7 million humans in the state. But with Kevin leading the way, I’m sure that in a quick minute, there will be 8 million turkeys in the state, and they’ll completely reclaim the native land that is rightfully theirs! So the people of Woburn should start practicing bowing while saying, “Whatever you say, Overlord Kevin.”
Pic: Twitter