Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Bride from Mad Mad Mad Monsters!
After the dynamic Christmastime duo of Arthur Rankin Jr. and Jules Bass (RIP) completely owned Jesus’ birthday with their instant holiday classics like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, they decided to take on Halloween. In 1967, they released the stop-motion animated movie Mad Monster Party. And a few years later in 1972, they put out a sequel to Mad Monster Party titled Mad Mad Mad Monsters, which featured the ultra-glamorous vision of The Bride putting the FREAK in freakum dress and giving you sexed-up Cousin Itt with that sexy tousled hairy face cover.
Unlike Mad Monster Party, M3 Monsters was not stop-motion animation but regular animation. But like Mad Monster Party, M3 Monsters was still full of fuckery. I don’t remember ever watching Mad Monster Party during Halloweentimes as a kid, but I do remember watching M3 Monsters, and probably because the mega piping hot image of The Bride’s casual sexy monster glamour was seared into my young brain forever. The plot of that mess went like this: Frankenstein throws a big wedding for his two creations, The Monster and the monster’s boo The Bride. The most horrific wedding of the century will forever belong to the one between ghouls Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, but back in the 1970s, the most horrific wedding belonged to The Monster and The Bride in M3 Monsters. Because their wedding was hit by drama in the form of an extremely jealous Igor trying to kidnap The Bride! via Fandom:
After Baron Henry von Frankenstein creates a bride his monster, he decides to make arrangements for a lavish wedding at the Transylvania Astoria Hotel. Many monsters are invited to the wedding including Count Dracula and his son, Ron Chanley the Werewolf, the Mummy, Dr. Jekyll, and Mr. Hyde, the Invisible Man and his family, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Once the wedding guests arrive, they terrify guests and staff. Frankenstein’s assistant Igor is jealous of the monster and wants the bride for his own. So Igor plots to steal her which doesn’t go according to plan when the bride ends up snatched up by a Pterodactyl and lands in the clutches of a giant gorilla named Modzoola.
And here’s the moment when Frankenstein unveils his latest creation, The Bride, who gave everyone a case of a moist tip by sexily pulling herself off the table and sashaying over to the mirror while working a goth version of Marilyn Monroe’s Happy Mr. President dress. Behold, The Grudge as seen through the eyes of Fashion Nova:
If you watched that clip, then you know that when The Bride looked into the mirror, it cracked. You might think that The Bride’s beauty was so powerful and devastating that it destroyed a mirror, and you’re right! When Frankensteins’s Monster and The Bride get married, her veil of hair is pulled away to reveal the face of a blue-grey Grinch who just dropped a sneaky silent fart in the middle of a crowd:
https://twitter.com/MalteserRefs/status/1449058812816732163?s=20&t=10lz-bmAAIzbDCgzE6fYEA
You can watch all of Mad Mad Mad Monsters on YouTube.
Today is Slutoween, and if you still need a costume, just duct tape two sacks of potatoes to your hips, shimmy into your tightest and lowest-cut black dress, toss a mop on your head, and put on a Grinch mask that you spray painted blue-grey. Voila: instant Halloween bombshell! I may do that too, but I don’t need a Grinch mask. I just need to drop a couple of edibles, because The Bride’s natural face is my “the edible just hit, it’s strong, and I’m a little scared but rolling with it” face.
Pic: YouTube