Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Mother’s Day Hand Flower!
1-800-Flowers. FTD. Teleflora. Proflowers. Edible Arrangements. Even, The Bouqs! None of those tricks have shit on the natural elegance and highly artistic beauty of the hand flower that some of us made in school for our moms on Mother’s Day. And while all of the real flower bouquets I’ve made using wildflowers that I picked myself in the countryside (read: bought at Trader Joe’s) and given to my mom for Mother’s Day over the years have long died, the stunning hand flower I made for her in elementary school still lives in all its gorgeous craft glory!
On Mother’s Day in this space before, I’ve paid tribute to some of the priceless gifts (that are now family heirlooms) I made my mom in school, like the extremely opulent uncooked pasta shell-covered gold-painted jewelry box. And another artisanal gift that some of us made for our mothers on Mother’s Day was the delicate hand flower made from construction paper. Making it was so easy that a Bieber could do it (although, citation needed on that). You made each “petal” by tracing your hand on construction paper and cutting it out. Once you had all your hand petals, you glued them together to make a stunning yet creepy hand flower. We never did this part in my school, but while looking for pictures of hand flowers on the internet, I found that some also made foot leaves to go with their hand flower. Wherever my second grade teacher is today, I thank him for not making us pull off our shoes, take off our socks, and trace our feet on construction paper. Too Toe. Fucking. Far.
So if you’re in need of a last-second easy Mother’s Day gift today, just pull out some paper, a pencil, glue, and safety scissors and create a stunning hand flower for your mom. And I’m sure she’ll thank you by letting her middle finger bloom right before you as a way to say, “You lazy fuck!”
Happy Mother’s Day!
Pics: Pinterest
