Open Post: Hosted By Drew Barrymore Revealing That Darth Vader Was Her First Crush

When the topic of first crushes comes up, there is no middle ground. You either have an aggressively basic revelation, like that you spent most of the 4th grade planning your wedding to Jonathan Taylor Thomas, or a deeply questionable confession that makes those around you awkwardly ask, “Really? Skeletor from He-Man? The blue guy with the face of a Halloween skull?“. Drew Barrymore and Ross Matthews recently got onto the topic of first crushes on her daytime talk show, and while Ross was in the first category of having some pretty predictable objects of affection, Drew said that her young heart rate accelerated at the thought of Luke Skywalker’s evil deadbeat daddy.

Drew and Ross’ crush talk came about after Ross revealed to Drew that Daniel Radcliffe listed his Top 3 celebrity crushes and that Drew was on the list (the other two being Juno Temple and Drew’s BFF Cameron Diaz). That led to Ross admitting that he’s currently into Andrew Garfield, but that Little Ross Matthews’ heart belonged to Mario Lopez and Aladdin from Disney’s Aladdin. Drew followed Ross’ confession with her own, which is that she first felt special feelings for Darth Vader, of all people. Come on, and with Han Solo RIGHT THERE??

“One of my first crushes was Darth Vader. I know, I know, I know, you’re all going to be like, ‘What?’. I used to have this reoccurring dream about him when I was a kid, and it had definite sexual undertones. I think we all can agree that sometimes a mask is hot. And maybe I had daddy issues, I don’t know.”

Every therapist is thinking, “Huh, you had a major crush on a guy whose identity is always concealed, that also tried to kill his son, repeatedly? Yeah, there might be a bit to unpack there in the daddy department.” And Darth Vader has to wear a mask because his real face looks like a rotten hard-boiled egg. The voice I get, for the same reason that a whole lot of people might have shouted “SIMBA’S DAD!” or “THE VOICE OF CNN!” when Drew’s crush segment started. I don’t think the Darth Vader of Drew’s dreams would have taken it too hard if Dream Drew told them, “No…let’s, uh, keep the mask on please.”

Pic: YouTube