Open Post: Hosted By A Lady Who Keeps Getting UPS Shipments Filled With Tacky Shoes

I’ve often fantasized about receiving free shit in the mail that I have no moral obligation to return but hearing Simone Boutet of Oak Park Illinois’ ongoing Saga of the Ugly Shoes, I’ve had to think twice about what I try to manifest into my life. According to ABC7, over the past year, Simone has been receiving mysterious UPS shipments containing “really, really, really tacky” women’s shoes. The shipments are from Amazon customers trying to return them to a seller in China, but the address on the return label provided by Amazon simply reads “RETURNS DEPARTMENT, Simone, Elm Street, Chicago.” Simone has made numerous attempts to return the shoes back to UPS, but has been playing an absurd game of whack-a-mule because UPS keeps “correcting” the address to read “Simone, Oak Park.” and shipping them right on back to her. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to legally change my name to RETURNS DEPARTMENT, CVS Pharmacy, Good Shit Only.

According to ABC7:

Unwanted shoes started showing up on her doorstep last summer, and has received between 15 and 20 pairs of shoes.

“I can’t get it to stop and it’s really funny because of the shoes themselves, they’re just hilariously not my style,” she said. “And it just, it doesn’t stop. It’s absurdity. You know, it’s an absurdity.”

There are white go-go boots, velvet stilettos, pink combat boots and more.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if they shipped size 11 Birkenstocks, maybe I would wear them,” Boutet laughed. “I am frustrated with this situation because it keeps repeating itself. It’s also just frustrating on a customer service level when you’re dealing with giant corporations, that you can’t really get the customer service that you need to solve a problem.”

Simone says she’s also contacted Amazon but they were no help at all. Maybe if Jeff Bezos spent more time at home instead of in his space dildo, he could do something about it. I’m sure Lauren Sanchez would be more than happy to take a surplus of tacky shoes off his hands. If all else fails, I would suggest that Simone just readdress the returns herself and have them sent back to Lindsay Lohan, C/O Dina Lohan, Circa 2003, where they belong.

Pic: Facebook