Hot Slut Of The Day!
Luke, the shelter doggy who is still looking for his forever home!
On Valentine’s Day, the piping hot landfill in my chest actually grew a heart only so it could break after reading this devastating headline over at People: “Dog in Shelter Over 200 Days Still Looking for a Home After No One Shows Up to Adoption Party.” That headline is a stage 10 tears-inducer on its own, but throw in that picture of Luke looking like he’s waiting for guests to show up, and suddenly I’m at the hospital, clutching my chest while saying, “I’m about to die and make sure to put ‘died of a broken heart’ on my death certificate and blame People for this!”
Over 200 days ago, 5-year-old Luke was brought into the Battersea Dogs & Cat Home at Brands Hatch in West Kingsdown, Kent, England as a stray. The shelter says that like many shelter dogs, Luke is skittish of new people (me too, Luke), but he has warmed up to the staff there. But because Luke has yet to find his forever home, the staff decided to throw him a Valentine’s Day party, hoping that his human soulmate would stroll on in and scoop him up. That didn’t happen because nobody showed up. Excuse me as I smear Crisco on my face, put razors in my hair, and put every ring on my finger while pretending like I’m going to go on over to West Kingsdown to whoop all the people there for not showing up to Luke’s party! The shelter said that even though nobody went to Luke’s party, Luke was still showered with love from the staff there.
“Valentine’s Day is a time to show your appreciation for those you care about, so it’s heartbreaking knowing that Luke will be spending the day without anybody to love after nobody came to meet him for a date. Thankfully, Battersea staff were on hand to show Luke plenty of love and affection instead.”
Luke is still listed on the shelter’s website as being available and anyone interested should contact bbh.rehomers@battersea.org.uk. Luke is looking for a human who has experience with taking care of larger and nervous dogs, doesn’t live in the city, and doesn’t have any other pets. I’m out since I don’t have experience with larger dogs, I have another dog, and well, I live far, far, fucking away. But I hope that Luke finds the perfect match very soon, and until then, I’ll be wearing out my finger skin from furiously refreshing his profile in hopes that it’s gone since he’s been adopted. I would say that THE QUEEN should try to get some good publicity for the Royal Family and go over to Kent to adopt Luke, but the Royal Family has a nasty beast in it and Luke doesn’t deserve to be around that. He’s been through enough!
Pic: Battersea Dogs & Cat Home