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Snake, the bad shit peddler from an anti-drugs PSA from the 80s!

During the height of the anti-drugs PSA era of the 1980s, the Partnership For a Drug-Free America decided that one way to keep kids off of the bad shit was to terrify the hell out of them. Who knew that Cobra from G.I. Joe had a second cousin who sold street drugs to teenagers in the 80s? At least they tell me that’s supposed to be a snake. But part of me kept waiting for him to break out into an extra charming version of Hello My Baby because he’s giving me hatched alien baby from Spaceballs.

The PSA, which came out in 1986, starts with a dealer selling drugs to kids, and then he turns to the camera and boldly tells the children to shoo their parents out of the room because he wants to sell them weed, coke, and crack. He then transforms into a snake from hell. Here’s Snake’s smug monologue:

“Hey little dude, send your mama and daddy out of the room, I gotta get you up on this. You know who I am, Snake dealing in weed, coke, crack, your choice. Take one hit and you’ll do anything to cop more. Steal from your mama, lie, cheat on your homeboys. But hey, that’s the price you pay when you deal with dudes like me. Now, some folks will tell you that I’m dealing in poison, but hey, do I look like the kind of guy who would do that to a kid like you? Yessssssssssssssss.”

Here is the whole terrifying PSA and WARNING: It’s blurrier than blurry and the audio is jacked up, so watching and listening to it will make you feel like you’re underwater while thirty shades of high:

You know the snake community filed a class-action lawsuit for defamation after that aired. But you know, I’m not sure why it’s labeled as an anti-drug PSA. It’s clearly a pro-drug PSA because after watching it, you’ll want to ingest something mind-numbing to forget about that horrifying shit.

Pic: YouTube