Hot Slut Of The Day!
Fisher-Price Roller Skates from the 80s!
You may be looking at that picture like, “Michael, why the hell would you make Kanye West’s latest hideously ugly Yeezy shoes a Hot Slut of the Day?” I know that Kanye West is a master at creating busted shoes. But sorry, these are the work of Fisher-Price. Fisher-Price starter roller skates still exist today, but they have nothing on the ones from the 80s that looked so happy and bright for being death on wheels.
Fisher-Price’s roller skates are made to “grow” with the kid who owns them. There are three different settings. The first setting locked one of the wheels and is for amateurs who can only skate-walk. The second setting only lets you roll forward, and the last one is for a regular Kansas City Bomber because you can roll forward AND back. Here’s a Fisher-Price roller skating commercial that is full of lies because not one child falls on their face.
“TRIGGERED!” said everyone who’s got a missing toof and a busted leg from trying to tame the untameable beast that is Fisher-Price roller skates.
Honestly, I’m not even sure why Fisher-Price called them roller skates because that barely rolled unless you were on totally smooth concrete with no cracks. They really should’ve been called Fisher-Price Emergency Room Senders. People who were parents in the 80s are probably flinching at the sight of these too because it takes them back to the day they looked at the ER bill from their kid busting their ass on these death traps.
Pic: TopSecretShoppe/Etsy