Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Horny Pizza Hut Ketchup Bottle That Offended A Prude!
Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr., Albert Einstein, and Sir Isaac Newton better make room in The Changemakers Hall of Fame, because here comes Adrian Shann. Adrian Shann will go down in history as the brave soldier against SLUTTY SMUT who stood up to a big corporation for pushing horny ketchup bottles upon innocent, pristine eyes. You see, when Adrian sees the words “shake, squeeze and squirt” on that bottle of Pizza Hut ketchup, he sees an instructional manual for a sloppy handjob! And he’s made himself captain of the THINK OF THE CHILDREN movement by speaking out about this innocence-destroying dirty cumdiment.
31-year-old Adrian Shann tells Hull Live that his innocence was forever lost last Wednesday night when he ate at a Pizza Hut in Hull, which is a city in East Yorkshire, England. Adrian probably had to check that he didn’t accidentally wander into a porn restaurant called Pizza Slut when his eyes widened and his pearls turned to dust without him even needing to clutch them at the sight of that nasty bottle of ketchup, sitting there like a huge shameless whore! Adrian’s pure mind is boggled that someone would create something that sounds like an app that Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith would love!
“It’s not innocent in my eyes. The barbecue sauce one said ‘Squeeze’, but the ketchup one said that, it put me off using it. It literally sounds like an app for swingers. I do not understand how someone could put that sentence together, it’s awful.”
(FYI: Because I’m a serious journalist, I Googled “app for swingers” and ShakeSqueezeAndSquirt is not one of them.)
Now, my mind’s permanent residence is in the gutter, so of course, my brain goes to a dirty place while looking at that ketchup bottle, but I’m not sure kids would see the same thing. Adrian seems to think they do and hopes that Pizza Hut changes the bottle for the sake of children!
“The adults had a laugh and then the children were asking their parents to tell them about it. If I had my niece with me, I would be worried. It’s definitely not appropriate. They need to make it kid friendly. I hope they change it.”
Adrian actually sent a complaint to Pizza Hut and they responded in a statement to Hull Live. Their response is impressive and only because they managed to type it while laughing their lungs out over someone slut-shaming a ketchup bottle.
“I can only apologise if you were caused any offence or upset on your recent visit to our Hut, please know it is not our intention to make any of our guests feel uncomfortable. The wording on our ketchup is not meant to cause offence and sorry if this was interpreted this way. This has been the labelling of all ketchup bottles in our restaurants for some time now, and I can only apologise if this impacted the enjoyment of your email.”
The Jameela Jamil of anti-slutty ketchup bottle activists is not happy with Pizza Hut’s response and he tells The Sun that he’s already contacted Emma Hardy (hehe, he said “hard“) who is the MP of his area.
Never mind that this dude probably wants to do sex to that sexy ketchup bottle, the real story here is that they have sit-down Pizza Hut restaurants in England. And sit-down Pizza Hut restaurants with horny ketchup bottles on the table. Heaven is a place on earth and it’s called the Pizza Hut in Hull!
Pic: Hull Live