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Mystery Mansion!

Today is the annual day when I get on my knees (not like that, you sucio fuck, I wish!), throw a tired white sheet over my body, and pretend to be a kid dressed as a lazy ghost so that I can get some free candy while trick or treating (before getting found out by a nosy parent wondering why that weird-looking ghost reeks of weed and bad decisions). So in honor of Halloween, let’s pay tribute to the 80s spooky board game Mystery Mansion.

Mystery Mansion was a board game made by Milton Bradley in the mid-80s and it mixed HGTV with some Indiana Jones, because not only did you go hunting for treasure in the game, but you also built the mansion by adding rooms onto existing rooms. So if you regularly played Mystery Mansion, you can say with 100% truthiness that you’re a top-level contractor and a regular Detective La Toya. Board Game Geek explains Mystery Mansion like this:

Every room contains many objects which are all possible hiding places for clues to the whereabouts of the Real Treasure. Search cards allow you to look behind, under and inside these objects for clues. Try to add rooms that you suspect contain objects that match Search cards in your hand. If you have a Search card that matches an object in the same room as your pawn, play it and draw a Clue card. The clue might be a Treasure Chest, a Key to a chest, a Secret Passage or just Cobwebs and Dust. If you own a key that matches a chest, haul the chest out of the mansion to unlock it. Once it’s outside, the big moment comes as you open the lid. Will it be filled with gold and jewels or cobwebs and dust?

Here’s a commercial for the OG Mystery Mansion:

Mystery Mansion got an upgrade in the 90s when Parker Brothers made Electronic Mystery Mansion. The goal was still the same but instead of hunting for hidden treasure, you hunted for hidden money on a game board that was a knock-off of Clue. There was also a battery-powered electronic “organizer” that gave you clues because if you didn’t have some kind of battery-powered device as part of your board game in the 90s, you weren’t really a board game from the 90s.

Too bad that I hardly ever played Mystery Mansion back in the day. Because I would’ve picked up advanced hunting skills and that would’ve helped me partake in the only reason Halloween exists. I, of course, am talking about hunting for your favorite brand of candy while going through the Halloween candy clearance section of a Target on November 1st.

Pic: eBay