Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 2, 2021 / Posted by: Michael K

Pearl Drops Tooth Polish!

Reader Angela reminded my brain of the existence of Pearl Drops Tooth Polish by suggesting it for HSOTD. Believe it or not, Pearl Drops Tooth Polish still exists today, which is making my teeth start a grudge with me, because I’ve been slathering them with peasant paste (read: Crest) when I could’ve been hitting them with a wave of minty opulence in the form of Pearl Drops Tooth Polish, seen above in a mega blurry screenshot that could be a picture of a goblin grasping onto a weird-shaped dick for all you know.

Pearl Drops, which sounds like a hot dance move from Rhea Perlman, goes back until at least the 1970s. It’s a “dentist-invented” polish with “special polishing ingredients” that makes your teeth shinier than a freshly laid down pearl necklace. And the Pearl Drops commercials were probably more famous than Pearl Drops Tooth Polish itself.

In this one from 1982, a dude “accidentally” bumps into a woman carrying groceries into her apartment building and immediately asks to buy her dinner. It’s some shit that you’d see at the start of a Lifetime movie about a murderous stalker. But the woman is all kinds of desperate! She takes him up on his offer and tells him to give her just 15 minutes to “shower, shampoo, and shine” before leaving her groceries on the ground and running into her apartment. During that 15 minutes, she manages to sell us on Pearl Drops Tooth Polish before busting a nut from licking her teeth.

Dude in the commercial is definitely a creep, but by the end of the commercial, I’m convinced that after their date, she murdered him and ground up his bones to make… you guessed it: Pearl Drops Tooth Polish! ]

And here’s a Pearl Drops Tooth Polish commercial from 1986 that also features a woman moaning while licking her freshly polished teefs.

Pearl Drops commercials also featured some STAH POWAH! Vanity was in one of their commercials and so was Tina Turner. Whatever Tina Turner was paid for this commercial, they needed to add at least two zeroes to the end of her payment, because she sells it hard. While 70s porn music fills your ears, Tina holds on to Pearl Drops Tooth Polish and then acts like she’s oozing out pearl drops of ecstasy over it. I don’t know if this commercial is selling toothpaste, but it’s selling something. I mean, it’s giving a goddess like Tina Turner a case of the hornies!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egcMGkG9-Vk

Forget, toothpaste! Reboot Pearl Drops as poppers. It’s Tina Turner approved!

Pic: YouTube

Tags: Hot Slut of the Day

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