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Heinz’s Salsa Ketchup!

My brain is a fountain of gutter water and uselessness, so I’m shocked and disgusted with myself for forgetting the time when Heinz made us picture some bareback fuck times between a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of salsa. But I was reminded of this when reader Anne recommended Heinz’s Salsa-Style Ketchup as an HSOTD.

Apparently, in the 90s, Americans were buying up salsa left and right and it was giving ketchup some competition for the title of America’s favorite condiment. So Heinz decided to get in on the salsa-loving action and squirted out its Salsa-Style Ketchup in 1993. It was basically just spicy ketchup and it came in three varieties: mild, medium, and hot. And it sold for $1.29 for a 13-ounce bottle back then. Here’s a review of it from 1993 and there’s a chance that a bottle of it could still be in this reviewer’s fridge because it made their tastebuds go, “What is this foreign flavor?!” via DeseretNews:

“This product is exactly what it claims to be – a blend of ketchup and salsa. We tried the medium variety and found it rather hot but not so overbearing that we couldn’t enjoy it. We found the salsa ketchup to be a tasty addition to some hash browns and various kinds of meats that we tried. However, I have a feeling that our 13-ounce bottle is going to be in our refrigerator for a long time. Part of the problem is we’re just not used to this kind of a product!”

For me, Heinz’s Salsa-Style Ketchup was all about the mess of a commercial. In it, a woman puts bottles of salsa and Heinz’s ketchup in her refrigerator, closes the door, and throws a Do Not Disturb sign on it. And as the old-timey sex anthem Makin’ Whoopee plays, the salsa and ketchup get naked (read: take off their lids) and make that fridge rock. The woman twirls around while her salsa and Heinz ketchup do each other and after she listens to see if they’re done, she opens up the fridge to find a bottle of Heinz’s Salsa-Style Ketchup. Now we know that in the 90s, there was a marketing exec who was so hard-up and horny that they came up with the idea of salsa and ketchup fucking.

Heinz’s Salsa-Style Ketchup only lasted a couple of years, which is surprising. I mean, that commercial made it look like you were eating salsa and ketchup’s love child ALIVE with every bite of Heinz’s Salsa-Style Ketchup, and you’d think that the people wouldn’t get enough of that terrifying shit.

Pic: YouTube