Hot Slut Of The Day!

The Elusive McHotDog!

Not much is more American than the arteries-clogging wonderland that is McDonald’s and the beautiful rod of mystery meat that is a hot dog. So you’d think that the two would forever join patriotic forces to create the ultimate Americana hot dog that’d be considered the official peen of the U.S.A. McDonald’s and the hot dog actually became one in the 90s but it didn’t last long in the U.S. I know, this is the reason why the bald eagle cries every single day!

McDonald’s was founded in 1940 and it took over 50 years for them to finally fill the mouths of (some) Americans with a McHotDog (seen above looking like some wrong shit). The reason for that is because Ray Kroc, who bought McDonald’s in 1961 and turned it into the all-powerful gourmet emporium it is today, thought hot dogs were beneath them. Ray Kroc wrote in his 1977 memoir that there’s no telling what’s beneath a hot dog’s skin and that McDonald’s standards of quality were too high (HA!) to allow that kind of mystery trashiness. I thought meat that makes your brain burp up a question mark WAS part of McDonald’s brand, but I guess not in the olden days. Ray Kroc died in 1984 and ten years later, McDonald’s truly made him McRoll in his McGrave by testing the McHotDog in certain markets. In 1995, they tested it as a seasonal item in several Midwestern locations. Surprisingly, not many people wanted to stroll up to a McDonald’s and say, “Yes, I’d like to get a mouthful of Ronald McDonald’s McWiener, please.” It flopped.

Insider says that the McHotDog didn’t become a thing in America because of branding. You wouldn’t really go to Wienerschnitzel to get a hamburger, so people couldn’t wrap their brain around going to McDonald’s to get a hot dog.

But the failure of McHotDog was a branding issue. Even what seemed like a low-risk, simple product never caught on because McDonald’s consumers just didn’t equate the brand with the type of food.

Throughout the years, McDonald’s has stuck the McHotDog in some locations, like at the SkyDome in Toronto and locations in central Pennsylvania. It was also in Chile for a minute and Japan for a while. Here’s a UK commercial from the late-90s which uses the song Hot Diggity Dog (Dog Ziggity Boom). When they sing, “What you do to me,” that’s your cue to scream back, “DIARRHEA!”

So on this Fourth of July, pour one out for the McHotDog, because the fact that you cannot catch the shits from eating a hot dog bought at McDonald’s feels very unpatriotic.

Pic: McWiki