Hot Slut Of The Day!
Bow Biters!
I learned how to tie my shoes in preschool, and by “tie my shoes,” I mean sloppily and lazily throw my shoelaces over each other and later trip on them, which made my mom say, “ugh, this dum-dum,” before buying me slip-on Vans or knock-off velcro Adidas sneakers. If only she bought me the highly necessary item of Bow Biters! Bow Biters may sound like a JoJo Siwa punk tribute band, but in the olden days, they were little lace-holding sneaker jewels that kept you from smashing your face on the concrete after tripping on your laces.
Bow Biters were made by Brookside Enterprises and they first made their debut in the late-70s. They were the plastic decapitated heads of some of your favorite childhood characters and you clipped them onto your sneakers to keep your laces in place. Muppet Wiki describes them like this:
Bow Biters are plastic clips made by Brookside Enterprises in the late 1980s that can be tied into sneaker laces to help keep shoes tied. The clip has a character’s face on the front that “bites” the knot when the laces are tied into the character’s mouth.
Bow Biters featured dozens of characters like Miss Piggy, Garfield, Super Mario, Bart Simpson, Thomas The Tank, Barney, Simba, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mickey Mouse, and Snoopy.
I never had a pair of Bow Biters because we didn’t have that kind of fuck it money, but some richie kids had several and showed their collection off as if it were a collection of rare jewels (and they were). I guess I could get myself an old pair now on eBay, but I don’t need ’em since I only wear knock-off velcro Adidas sneakers because a chronic condition called lazy bitch syndrome keeps me from wanting to wear lace-up shoes.