Hot Slut Of The Day!
The jizz-spewing dick of Melbourne!
This extremely important story has found its way into my inbox for a few days now, but I’ve been saving it for today: Super Bowl Sunday (or as us stoners call it, Smoke A Super Bowl Sunday, which is every day, honestly). Because no offense to The Weeknd, but this gigantic cut dick with nutsack legs should be the star of today’s Super Bowl Halftime Show! But obviously, Tom Brady would never let that happen since he needs to be the biggest dick on the football field.
A few days ago, the Instagram account Brown Cardigan jizzed up a video of a curved dick using its Cisco Adler long-balls legs to walk along the streets of the Melbourne suburb of Footscray (more like Dickscray) while busting a nut all over the place. Here’s the gorgeous peen creature making Melbourne a much more beautiful place:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CKzpA05DmBC/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=embed_video_watch_again
If you heard about a six-foot-tall dick wandering the streets of Melbourne, you’d probably say, “Oh how nice of Rupert Murdoch to mingle with the peasants.” But the Star Observer says that this dick is the work of Melbourne-based puppet company Snuff Puppets. Puppetry of the Penis, WHO?! Snuff Puppets asked the public what kind of puppet they’d like to see. Since this world runs on peen, many asked for a dick puppet. So Snuff Puppets gave the people what they want! The peen puppet made its debut for a piece called Off The Shelf, which was the company’s first live streaming performance.
Andy Freer, Snuff Puppets’ artistic director, tells the Star Observer that there was a little happy (ending) accident with the performance. That stream of liquid that shoots out of the peen puppet was supposed to be a golden shower lover’s dream. It was supposed to be piss, but everyone thought it was baby batter, and that works for Andy!
“The penis is meant to piss, the whole apparatus was ready to go, but it did a spurting instead of a steady stream as it should, so people saw it is ejaculation. But I kind of actually preferred it to ejaculate, pissing is about down in the gutter, but ejaculation you know, that’s a real celebration of life.”
Here’s a recap of Off The Shelf, which also stars a giant baby busting out of a giant poon puppet:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CK1MUoMjoMp/
Obviously, that brontosaurus-looking dick creature should become a permanent fixture in Footscray, but sadly, Snuff Puppets has retired it for now. This is good news for customs officials at Melbourne Airport. Because they really don’t need to hear me say, “I’m here for the big dick!” when they ask me why I’m visiting. But then again I’d say that anyway.
Pic: Instagram