Open Post: Hosted By This Poor CNN Anchor Forced To Do Math Live On Television
I’m sure most of you have spent the past four days wearing down the edge of your seats with butt-clenched anxiety. But last night, CNN anchor Bill Weir’s anxiety hit Mars when he was tasked with reporting a presidential race update and was forced to use his brain to add up numbers live on television.
On the same night that Anderson Cooper referred to Donald Trump as an “obese turtle,” Bill Weir reported from Arizona’s Maricopa County to share updated poll numbers. Since everybody is begging for up to date numbers quickly, Bill had to do math using nothing but a pencil and paper. And as you can see, Bill was struggling.
this is a reoccuring nightmare, suddenly finding yourself on television with millions watching and asked to do math pic.twitter.com/8Jo5bIyijP
— Matt Berman (@Mr_Berman) November 6, 2020
The video is bad. The transcript might be worse. I’ve felt less tense reading a Stephen King novel:
“The new numbers out of Maricopa…just doing quick math…now is, uh, one point 1,868,414 votes. That is…I’m trying to do the math here. 9, uh, 3…193,000. Joe Biden now has 944,000 votes, 285 to Donald Trump’s 880,347. Hopefully you guys can help me out with the percentages there on this new dump…Joe Biden’s lead is…went up by…30,000? Or so? The President’s…uh…President picked up about 50,000 votes?”
Speaking of dumps, Bill’s bowels had no problem turning out results.
I just pooped a little.
— Bill Weir (@BillWeirCNN) November 6, 2020
Asking someone to use the full spectrum of their brain during these past few days should be considered an act of cruelty. I hope CNN gave Bill hazard pay for that. You might think I’m over-reacting here, but math terrifies me. I was once doing so poorly in a high school math class that I begged my teacher for bonus points on a test, just for spelling my name correctly. And he did, out of sheer pity. It’s a good thing Bill was wearing a black t-shirt because none of us at home could see the trash can lid-sized circles of sweat under his arms. But I have to give Bill points for trying. And I would like to tell Bill that if anyone asks you to come in and help count votes, you hang up that phone immediately.
Pic: Twitter