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October 21, 2020 / Posted by:

The Bandit Raccoons of Redwood City!

It only took over 85 years, but Bonnie and Clyde have finally been reincarnated and they’ve been reincarnated as a pair of raccoons who recently broke into a bank. And the thing about being a bank-robbing raccoon is that you don’t need a mask because you were born with one!

UPI says that The Peninsula Humane Society and SPCA were called to a Chase Bank in Redwood City, CA after a customer spotted the furry robbers inside the bank. That snitch ass customer is totally going to get their trash cans knocked over something extra for calling The Man on these two. Bank managers let in the animal catchers from the SPCA but the raccoons were not interested in leaving. DUH! They weren’t there to open up a damn savings account, they were there to get that cash, or rummage through the trash cans to see if Linda or Betty threw away a half-eaten turkey sandwich. Eventually, the SPCA was able to shoo away Raccoon Bonnie and Raccoon Clyde and they went back into the wild.

The hot-named spokeswoman for the PHS/SPCA, Buffy Martin Tarbox, said in a statement that they believe the bandits got in through the air ducts. Ocean’s Eight, Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen, WHO?!

“There were muddy pawprints on a tree outside the bank, so we suspect the raccoons climbed the tree to the roof of the bank, and then somehow managed to crawl into the air ducts and fell through the ceiling tiles onto the floor of the bank,” Tarbox said.

“There were several broken ceiling tiles, and the masked bandits knocked papers around and even a computer over. Thankfully, the raccoons were not injured during their morning escapade, and to our knowledge they didn’t abscond with any money.”

You’ve probably already seen these bandits on the FBI’s most wanted list, but here they are:

Or maybe those aren’t raccoons at all. Maybe they’re tiny children robbers in raccoon costumes and the authorities pretty much begged them to go away. Well played, tiny children robbers.

Pic: YouTube

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