Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 8, 2020 / Posted by:

The Future Gamer!

I hear your ass saying, “Michael, why the hell would you make your boyfriend a Hot Slut?! Nobody cares about him!” Well, let me just thank you for thinking I could land a piece with flawless frozen corpse skin, a brick wall FUPA, a gorgeous pair of dirty pipe cleaner brows, a pair of dead eyes, and a flat head for me to rest my drink on when he goes down. But please, that cold hunk of death is Michael (Why he gotta be named Michael?), a composite that a Canadian game site called OnlineCasino came up with of what a gamer will look like after 20 years of gaming. And yes, I get all my scientific information from OnlineCasino.ca.

Since many are living like hermits during this coronavirus lockdown, gaming usage has reportedly gone up 75% and many people are playing video games for the first time. So OnlineCasino got a team of researchers to look at reports from the National Health Service, the World Health Organization, the National Geographic and UK interactive entertainment on the physical effects of playing video games during all your waking hours. After looking at reports, they shat up Michael who’s got a dent in his head from wearing headphones all the time, hair like a Windsor from not getting any sunlight, a hunched back from sitting in his gaming chair all day, eczema from stress, and more!

Everyone meet Michael, a visual representation of the future gamer,’ said a spokesperson for OnlineCasino.ca, the Canadian site who undertook the study.

The research, they added, ‘predicted how avid gamers could look in the next twenty years if they didn’t change their lifestyle habits.’

‘From sleep deprivation and dehydration, to lack of vitamin D, digital eye strain and “PlayStation thumb” — these are just some of the physical implications of spending hours online, in a gaming chair, away from sunlight and physical activity.’

And here’s Michael in all his Hunchback of Mom’s Basement glory:

Let’s be real, most of us are going to come out looking like that after this quarantine even if we play zero video games. But seriously, I still would. I mean, that sexy crop top and hung fingers sold me.

Pic: OnlineCasino

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