Broadway is closed for business right now, but if you want some all-caps, bolded DRAMA and THEATRICS, go on over to Patti LuPone’s Twitter page. La LuPone’s lair of luxury (aka her basement) has become the premiere theater of the country, because she’s been regularly tweeting videos of the stir crazy theatrics she gets into down there. And yesterday, she got into half Norma Desmond drag to give us scenes from the future Tony award-winning musical extravaganza Sunset Boulevard II: Norma Goes To Reno (working title: North Virginia Street).
As every theater queen knows, Patti was the original Norma Desmond in “sad sack” Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Sunset Boulevard in London. Patti was also supposed to play Norma in the Broadway production, but she got dumped for Glenn Close who played Norma in the L.A. production. Glenn ended up winning a Tony for her Norma. Patti threatened to sue for breach of contract and ended up settling for $1 million. She used the money to build the “Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool” in the backyard of her country home.
So because Broadway sadly never got an opulent taste of La LuPone’s Norma Desmond, she graciously decided to throw tricks a crumb. La LuPone cooed out With One Look while hitting up a slot machine and a jukebox. Get into the performance that will win La LuPone her third Tony Award (whenever the Tony Awards come back).
Ya bored yet? pic.twitter.com/kDZR1jYWyG
— Patti LuPone (@PattiLuPone) April 1, 2020
The only way that could’ve been better is if she did it while lounging on a floatie in her Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool.
I watched that clip at least three hundred times and during one of those times, my cell phone rang (It was “Scam Likely,” the only bitch who calls me), and when it did, I immediately slapped myself down and escorted myself out of the presence of La LuPone, because it’s what she would want. And it’s also my new kink.