Look, now is no time to be dieting. Eat all the carbs, process all the fats and tell fiber to go fuck itself. Because last time I checked (3 seconds ago, must stay vigilant) panic eating and turning yourself into a lardbucket (or, in my case, maintaining my lardbucket elite status) was still allowed, even in #theseuncertaintimes. If you’re drinking regular coffee like some 1930s depression era hobo, stop. Hostess has an alternative.
What better way to fatten up the masses and make it virtually impossible for them to leave the house without the deployment of the jaws of life than by introducing the house-bound to snack-cake flavored “lattes?” According to a press release from Trilliant, the company that teamed up with Hostess on this mess, the new beverages will feature four of your favorite Hostess treats— Twinkie, Ding Dong, Lemon Party, Honey Bun, Kentucky Popsicle, Sno Ball and Cleveland Steamer. You guess which four.
“We’re proud to announce our next venture with one of the most loved American brands,” said Christoph Zickler, Marketing Vice President for Trilliant. “We’re bringing innovation to the Ready-to-Drink category with these iconic Hostess® flavors. They’re the perfect, sweet-treat pick-me-up for any time of day.”
Twinkies® Iced Latte bottles up the magic of the classic golden sponge cake flavor combined with creamy notes. Ding Dongs™ Iced Latte is full of rich chocolate flavors with wonderful vanilla tones. Honey Bun Iced Latte has a delightful honey flavor, finished with hints of glazed icing. Sno Balls™ Iced Latte combines flavors of coconut and sweet chocolate cake.
The Takeout adds that all four flavors are in distribution right now.
What could be more fitting than corporate America leaning out of its ivory tower yelling, “let them drink cake!”
Pic: Hostess Snacks