Night Crumbs
Sadly, the powerful gay ball of glitter-embedded fuckery that is Eurovision is not going to lift us out of these dark times and take us higher on May 16. Along with every other event big and small, it’s been canceled. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to run off to eBay to see if a rhinestone-studded gold lamé jockstrap with ballsack tassles is up for auction by a costume designer who made it for a dancer to wear at Eurovision – Pajiba
BUT WAIT, the sparkling dandelion that is Richard Simmons may cha-cha his way back into the spotlight to bring some sunshine into our lives! – SOW
Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas are now OFFICIAL official because he made his debut on her Instagram page (sort of) – Lainey Gossip
Laura Jeanne Poon is on the cover of Vanity Fair, looking like she’s getting attacked by an army of ugly 80s prom dresses – Celebitchy
DOG ABUSE ALERT! Emily RideAJetSki forced two pooches to be her back-up dancers as she swayed like she’s got worms. And she exposed one dog’s down-low parts. MEGA DOG ABUSE ALERT! – Egotastic!
The Miss Ross Spectacular Extravaganza (featuring some others) has been canceled too – Just Jared
Meanwhile as shows are getting canceled left and right, look to the balconies of Europe for some entertainment – Towleroad
Because it will be kind of hard to put out a movie when all the movie theaters might still be closed, Disney is pushing Black Widow’s release date – Popoholic
Gisele Bundchen can cancel her plans to sign up for Cameo to support her family, because Tom Brady has saved them from poverty by signing a $30 million deal with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers – NFL
My 13-year-old self who regularly listened to KROQ’s Kevin & Bean Show is about to pick up my landline to call that asshole station and bitch a ho out for coldly firing Kevin! – Variety
Pic: Getty