Open Post: Hosted By Timothée Chalamet’s Struggle Goatee

January 9, 2020 / Posted by:

Oh, you’re going to notice Timothée Chalamet alright! It’s positively unavoidable. Ever since he peach fucked his way onto the scene, all you ever hear these days is Timothée, Timothée, Timothée (and if you’re an old like me, with the fresh smell of Scandinavian meadows in your nose)! The greatest trick Timothée ever played on the world was trying to convince us he has adult genitals. One way he achieves this effect is by playing heartthrobs in period films (the other way is by DJ’ing). Timothée has recently been tapped to play hairy adult Bob Dylan in the upcoming biopic Going Electric (working title). This movie probably won’t start filming for a very long time but it looks like Timothée is already getting his temple ready to receive the spirit of Dylan because last night at the National Board of Review Gala, he was seen sporting 5 or 6 facial hairs on his upper lip and chin. At the rate he’s going, he should have a full beard by the year 2035!

Here’s a closer look at Timothée’s pygmy fainting goatee.

This to me looks like what happened to that lady on Botched who had pubic hair growing out of her face after getting a skin graft from her groin to fix her mug after she was bitten by a dog. So my question is, who bit Timothee?! Who is out here biting our pixie king? Sanaa Lathan, was that you?


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