Hot Slut Of The Day!

Taco Bell’s Seafood Salad from the 1980s!

The CDC reports that in 1986, 12,781 cases of food poisoning were reported to them.  Now, they don’t say this in the report, but I am probably 100% correct when I say that 12,781 of those cases were from people who made the opposite of a right decision by saying these words at their nearest Taco Bell, “Hey, why not, I’ll take the seafood salad because you only live once.” You do only live once, but do you want to spend moments of that life getting possessed by a faux seafood devil who rips out your insides and puts a black magic spell on your guts, which causes you to mouth AND butt barf out all your internal organs and soul? I guess some people did want to go through that because people actually bought and ate Taco Bell’s Seafood Salad in the 80s.

Taco Bell saw McDonald’s giving everyone a case of exploding butt with their low tide-flavored fried patty of roach meat (aka the Filet O’Fish) and got jealous. So in 1986, they started selling a seafood salad. Taco Bell’s Seafood Salad was basically Taco Bell’s basic salad filled with some tender bay shrimp (shrimp-shaped-and-flavored Styrofoam) and a delicious blend of white fish and snow crab (goldfish and crayfish found in the gutters after a storm).

In their commercial, they tried to fire a shot at McDonald’s Filet O’Fish, but the only shots they were responsible for were shots of diarrhea spewing out of the assholes of people who bought the Taco Bell Seafood Salad, because look at this Deadliest Catch mess. Seafood? More like SeeThisFoodBeResponsibleForMeShittingMyBholeOff.

Strangely enough, people weren’t into the lukewarm fish that Taco Bell was serving up, so its seafood salad eventually left the menu.  I was going to say that it’s sad that the public did not understand or appreciate a truly gourmet work of art like the Taco Bell Seafood Salad, but that’s not true since every item on the Taco Bell menu is a truly gourmet work of art.

Pic: YouTube