Hot Slut Of The Day!
The coked-up Santa Claus sweater from Walmart!
My family and I don’t really exchange gifts for Christmas. I might have to convince them to change that rule for this year, because the list of gifts I want is growing, and it’s growing even more thanks to the banned Santa Claus sweater, which I want even more than the Daddy’s Little Slut t-shirt (although, me wearing that t-shirt makes no sense since there’s nothing little about my slutiness). If you’ve been looking for the perfect Christmas gift for the Dreamboat Doherty (or Lohan or Charlie Sheen) in your life, then don’t go to Walmart.ca, because they have pulled a coked-up Santa Claus from their site.
Like Amazon, Walmart allows third party sellers on their site. And also like Amazon, they don’t seem to really vet the third party shit that goes on their site until it becomes viral, which is what happened with Cokey Claus. Global News says that the sweater was made by FUN Wear and its description painted Santa Claus as an avid nose skier:
“We all know how snow works. It’s white, powdery and the best snow comes straight from South America. That’s bad news for jolly old St. Nick, who lives far away in the North Pole.”
Once the sweater made the rounds on Twitter, Walmart got all uppity and acted like they’re too good for a Cokey Claus sweater. Which we all know they are, since they will forever be known as an emporium of taste and refinement where you would never find a grandpa with a mullet huffing anti-freeze in an aisle while jacking off on a Baby Shark plush toy (cut to a grandpa with a mullet huffing anti-freeze in an aisle at Walmart while jacking off on a Baby Shark plush toy right at this very moment).
“These sweaters, sold by a third-party seller on Walmart.ca, do not represent Walmart’s values and have no place on our website. We have removed these products from our marketplace. We apologize for any unintended offence this may have caused.”
The thing is, that doesn’t even look like any kind of Santa I know (“What are you talking about? He’s WHITE.” – Megyn Kelly). That thing looks more like Mr. Poo’s white dog turd of a third cousin who got a botched boob job and whose drug of choice is meth (see: those Teeth of Meth). But Santa being a cokehead makes sense. I mean, he never shaves his white beard (because it hides the coke granules). He stays up all night on December 24. And he can deal with kids for long periods of time. Total cokey!
Pic: FUN Wear