While many celebrate when they lose weight, it looks like a seriously thrilled Jessica Simpson threw a funeral for the 100 pounds of chunk that left her body in the six months since giving birth to her daughter. Maybe she’s sad because she realized she lost all that weight without getting a Weight Watchers check for it. Big mistake! – Celebitchy
Just when my brain’s anti-virus software had completely expunged the name “Shane Gillis,” some goddamn fucking reporter had to ask Bill Hader about his firing at the Emmys – Lainey Gossip
And as Megan Thee Stallion goes from Hot Girl Summer to Hot Girl Fall, I’m going from Tragic Gay Summer to Tragic Gay Fall – Pajiba
The Red Lipstick Don looks like she’s wearing a slutty ABBA Halloween costume from Yandy – Drunken Stepfather
What in dirty newspapers HELL is Julianne Hough wearing – Popoholic
Lenny Kravitz continues to be the best – HuffPo
Juicy Joe of the Real Housewives of New Jersey wants to go back to Italy to work as he waits to see if he’s going to be officially deported or not. Work? I’m not sure how in demand the occupation of “screaming ex-con who calls his wife a cunt on TV” is in Italy – Reality Tea
So, I guess this officially means that on the next season of Euphoria we won’t see the real Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles act out a live-action version of the Larry blowjob scene – Just Jared
And now let’s end with some Dlisted-approved glamour courtesy of Ezra Miller!
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Excuse me while I go to my nearest Sephora and hand this pic of Ezra Miller at the Saint Laurent show to a makeup artiste while asking, “Can you give me this?” And then I’ll go to Forever 21 to put together the look-for-less version of Ezra’s “down-and-out 70s socialite running in The Jackie Collins Marathon” outfit.