Yesterday’s Hot Slut of the Day was a lone Double Double from In-N-Out that was found on a street in Jamaica, Queens in NYC, hundreds of miles away from the nearest Emporium of Heavenly Delicious Delights. The mystery of how a pristine, uneaten, Double Double ended up in NYC became the biggest mystery to plague this world since: What the fuck happened to La Pequena?!
Lincoln Boehm, who found the Double Double on the street and posted about it on Instagram, wants to let the FBI and all you Detective La Toyas out there know that you can take your magnifying glasses off of this case, because it’s been solved, and the answer is pretty boring.
Lincoln is a creative director at an advertising agency, so naturally some wondered if on his client list are the word: In-N-Out. But sorry, New Yorkers. This wasn’t some kind of stunt to promote In-N-Out hitting NYC. You poor New Yorkers will have to settle for your Shake Shack for now. Because Lincoln heard from the Double Double dropper, and it’s a 16-year-old high school student from Flushing.
She wrote Lincoln on Instagram and told the tale complete with receipts in the form of picture proof. Lincoln wrote about it all for Vice, and he gets detailed, but I’ll give it to you quick. The 16-year-old student was in San Diego, CA visiting family and friends, and on her way to the airport to catch a flight back to NYC, she stopped at an In-N-Out and got two Double Doubles and two single cheeseburgers. She let the burger artistes at In-N-Out know she was taking the deliciousness on a flight, so they didn’t put any sauce in them to keep them fresh.
She ate one Double Double on the flight. When she landed, she took the AirTran to catch a bus home, and when she got close to the bus stop, she noticed it was about to leave. So she skedaddled her ass to the bus, and while doing so, her In-N-Out bag broke open from the bottom, sending one Double Double falling to the ground below. She didn’t notice until she got on the bus. Lincoln found it an hour later.
And that’s the answer…
Never mind that I’m wondering why NYC rats didn’t immediately attack that treasure and swallow it down whole (they should be ashamed of themselves for not doing that, honestly), I can now close my eyes and go to sleep knowing that this mystery has been solved. Although, I’ll probably close my eyes, think of the Double Double mystery being solved, which will make me crave a Double Double, which will make me pull myself out of bed to drive down to In-N-Out in my sleeping clothes. Fuck.