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May 2, 2019 / Posted by:

Freddy Krueger, the unstoppable parrot of Brazil!

If you watched all 23 hours of the Billboard Music Awards last night like I did, then you may feel like you were kidnapped, shot at, and bit by a snake (specifically, a pumpkin spice latte snake named Taylor Swift). But this parrot, Freddy Krueger, was actually kidnapped, shot at, and bit by a snake. Cats everywhere are shaking with fear, because they thought they were the only animals with nine lives, and here’s one of their rivals proving that’s not true!

Brazilian newspaper Folha De S. Paulo (via Business Insider) says that Freddy, who is an Amazonian parrot, probably started out his life as the bird of a drug dealer (Polly want some crack?) ¬†and he may have been trained as a “lookout.” Four years ago, he survived a police shootout after his gangster owner’s drug den was raided by the cops. Why do I have the image of Freddy screaming, “Fuck your mama’s asshole, pigs!” in Portuguese as the cops led him away in tiny handcuffs? Sadly that didn’t happen, becausse during the shootout, Freddy was hit in the upper beak, blinded, and burned in the space between his eyes.

He was taken to Zoologico Municipal de Cascavel to live a peaceful life, but because he’s about that life, he sometimes fought with other birds, so he was put in a cage by himself. Since his beak is jacked up, he can’t eat seeds, but can eat fruit, and vets say he’s in “iron health.” They weren’t lying because he was bit by a snake, and although he bled majorly, he lived. But just a few days later on April 16, he was kidnapped in the dead of night from the zoo along with another parrot, and was most likely going to be sold.

It’s most likely he was stolen to be sold into the pet trade. Parrots, especially blue-fronted ones like this, are popular pets due to their sociability, intelligence, and extraordinary ability to copy sounds, including human speech, making it appear that they talk. Although Amazona aestiva is listed as “least concern”, its recorded population is decreasing.

But obviously Freddy Krueger’s beauty was too much for the thieves to take, or maybe he puffed his chest at them, which made them cry for their mommies while releasing him. (Business Insider thinks he may have been released because his face is messed up, but they don’t know what they’re talking about!) Whatever happened, Freddy ended up back at the zoo two days later.

If Pixar ever feels like making a gritty Oscar-bait biopic, they know where to find Freddy Krueger and they better bring a suitcase full of cash because gangsters don’t accept checks. And when the end of the world finally comes, sitting on the dusty mound of what’s left of civilization will be Betty White, Charo, and Freddy Krueger, because you can’t keep a good parrot who’s been kidnapped, shot at, and bitten by a snake down.

Pic: Globo

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