Night Crumbs

March 12, 2019 / Posted by:

Disney has put out the trailer for their latest money grab: the live-action Aladdin. It still looks like a mess, and while watching it, I’m wondering why Aladdin used one of his wishes on auto-tuning the shit out of his and Princess Jasmine’s voices and instead didn’t ask the Fresh Genie of Agrabah to make his city not look like it was made using leftover set pieces from a Once Upon a Time episode – Lainey Gossip

“I’m sorry, Michael, I’m going to have to declare you legally blind” – my ophthalmologist after I tell him I mistook Kelly Brook for Gloria EstefanPopoholic

I am only for a sequel to Bohemian Rhapsody if it’s about Zombie Freddie Mercury getting revenge on the makers of that shit – Pajiba

Oh, it’s just someone named Carla Howe’s suffocating nipple trying to get some oxygen – (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

If you’ve ever had a weird wet dream fantasy of Uncle Jesse’s face resting on Nick Jonas‘ crotch, that gay-baiter Nick has fulfilled that dream – SOW

Jussie Smollett didn’t have to show up to court today, but he did anyway to show how confident of his innocence he is – Towleroad

Kate Beckinsale will apparently dump Pete Davidson if he starts to spiral down. Um, has she seen that unicorn tattoo? – Celebitchy

Pic: Disney

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