We all know that Martha Stewart has exceedingly high standards. This past weekend those standards were put to the test when she decided to try Uber for the first time. While some of us are terrified of getting a chatty and/or rapey driver, Martha is in the unenviable position of having standards of cleanliness and efficiency that need to be met. Unfortunately, even though she ordered “the most expensive version,” Martha’s Uber experience was not up to snuff and poor Martha was positively scandalized. And so close to the holidays!
Martha documented her Uber ride from hell in a series of (since deleted) Instagram posts which prove that unless you keep it spick and span, Martha’s not having any of it. Martha wrote:
I ordered the most expensive version to pick me up on Fifth Avenue and 57th street in front of Tiffany’s. The first Uber did not show up. The second Uber came ten minutes later and parked halfway down 57th street where I could not see the license plate. Then we were facing east when I had to go west and south. Took twenty minutes to face southwest. It only took a bit more than one hour. On top of it all the car was a mess inside and out!!!!!!!! And I want Uber to succeed!
Here is the photographic proof that Martha’s Uber probably smelt of fresh sulfur and was still 10,000 degrees inside from its journey from the bowels of Hades (or Queens) to Manhattan.
Martha Stewart documenting her first Uber ride is the best thing on the internet today. pic.twitter.com/bcLH2Fknp8
— corey kindberg (@coreykindberg) November 19, 2018
Seriously, how is Martha Stewart supposed to get anywhere these days?!?! First she gets mocked for riding a bike, now she’s expected to sit on poor people farts? I don’t blame her one bit for being pissed. I’ve never ordered an Uber Black, but if I did I’d also have an expectation of excellence and luxury. But unlike Martha, I would probably be secretly stoked to get a filthy one so I could complain later and get the ride for free. Because free is (almost) always better than clean and on time.
According to NBC New York, “Uber says it was disappointed to hear about Stewart’s first experience and has reached out to her and her team”, as if that’s going to make up for the cooties she picked up in the back of Satan’s sleigh. I doubt Martha will give Uber another chance to win her over as a client. She’d probably rather walk those snakeskin pumps up and down the Avenues than risk stepping into another unvacuumed peon-mobile.