About That Idris Elba Doll….

November 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Sometimes you take a big swing and you miss. It can happen to anybody. What’s important is that you dust yourself off and keep it moving. I hope that the dollmaker who took a noble stab at making an Idris Elba doll, will one day find it within himself to sculpt and paint again. A niche British doll company called Emperis was just trying to do a thirsty world a favor by creating a likeness of Idris that customers could fit in their pocket (flesh or fabric, no one’s here to judge). Unfortunately, the resulting doll didn’t turn out looking much like Idris. It looks more like Montel Williams after he’s eaten too much cheese.

Here’s the fruit of somebody’s labor.

Oh. Dear. According to the Facebook Group dedicated to the Emperis creations, the doll was made due in part to high interest well before Idris was crowned People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. One of the group’s users posted in July:

I’m currently in early discussion with with Emperis Doll about having them make me a doll of actor Idris Alba. I’m wondering how many other members of this Group would be interested in having an Idris of their own? Price would likely be inline with their regular full editions, but possibly more due to the use of “chocolate” resin. Please only post below if interested in actually having this doll. Thanks!

Sadly, all the chocolate resin in the world couldn’t make up for the fact that this dollmaker has clearly never seen a picture of Idris Elba. People wanted to know, did he somehow got Idris mixed up with Romany Malco?

But even Romany was like, it ain’t me.

I’d suggest maybe the sculptor was blind, but as we know from Lionel Richie’s video for “Hello”, blind people make excellent sculptors. I think the real problem with the Idris doll is the gangly ass Jack Skellington body coupled with a paint job that makes “Idris” look like a sinister men’s loafer with an axe to grind.

Idris isn’t the only victim of Emperis’ tragic diagnosis of prosopagnosia. They did a Freddie Mercury that looks like a small town drag king with a bad sunburn and a Prince Harry that, while handsome, looks more like the third stand-in for the guy who plays Archie on Riverdale.

So yeah, as much as it pains me I have to say no thanks to the Emperis Idris doll. Besides, I already have one. It’s about 10 inches in length and it lives in a drawer next to my bed.

Pic: Wenn.com

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