Cher’s ABBA Album Is Finally Out, But She’s Still Threatening To Retire

September 28, 2018 / Posted by:

Even though we all know a nuclear bomb would only leave the world with Cher and an audience of cockroaches, the chanteuse has been floating the idea of retirement since before most of us were old enough to pass for the age on our fake IDs and we can all remember the scam of her first farewell tour. Cher says she’s retiring as much as I lie about my weight to my doctor, but the beat and the albums go on. Her ABBA cover album finally came out today, and she still says she has thoughts of hanging it up.

I only read the reviews in Rolling Stone and The Guardian, so we’re going to say ALL critics lurved Cher’s ABBA cover. That being said, it doesn’t seem like this ho is ever going to be pleased with herself. People caught up with Cher, and she says her ass still thinks about retiring. Granted, retirement for Cher means going out on a 15-year, 1800-date tour, so we probably should stop giving a fuck. If you were still worried, she doesn’t seem like she’s actually ready to  say buh-bye to performing:

“Sometimes I think, ‘It’s such a pain in my ass.’ But then I remember, ‘You’re so lucky to be able to do what you’re doing.’”

I’m going to take that as Burlesque was a pain in her ass and the rest is all gumdrops and ponies. Cher was already in Mamma Mia 2, has the new album, and a Broadway musical based on her life comes out next month. What’s not to love…apart from Madonna?! Even Cher seems to marvel at how long she’s been going at it:

“I remember hearing every couple of years, ‘Cher’s on her way out, this is it for her career,’ and then going, ‘This is it for my career.’ I’ve had a strange career of real ups and downs. It’s all I ever wanted to do, from the time I was 4 years old. Sometimes I think, ‘You better stop, this is too much.’ But that’s momentary.”

That being said, she admits it’s exhausting. It’s hard enough for me to put khakis on in the morning, so I can only imagine what she has to go through putting on a sequined catsuit to go greet drunk fans at a Mississippi riverboat casino when she could otherwise be at home in Malibu trolling the president on Twitter (or busting her assistant’s son for illicit drugs, per TMZ). She still says she has a good time on the road, which is good since she’s embarking on the Here We Go Again Tour. She still says she’ll retire one day, but I’m sure that day will only come when she does a Madge cover album where the only note in the album liner is, “This is what these songs would have sounded line in the right key.

If you’ve got Spotify, you can stream her album below, or you can listen to each song on Cher’s YouTube channel.


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