Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 23, 2018 / Posted by:

This weekend’s HSOTD theme IS legendary raccoons! Yesterday, I paid tribute to a Canadian DGAF grand champion who committed three crimes (breaking and entering, thieving of carbs, and knocking tricks over by being a devastating badass) and would gladly do it again. And today, I pay tribute to a raccoon who easily won America’s Got Talent without even being on America’s Got Talent. This raccoon must somehow be related to the MPRaccoon of Minnesota, who scaled a 25-story building, because this one is also a scaling wonder, but the raccoon also made people gasp until their lungs collapsed by pulling some acrobatic shit.

Fox29 says that while on vacation in Ocean City, NJ Micha Rea was biking on the boardwalk with friends when he and many others spotted the daredevil raccoon scaling up to around the ninth floor of an apartment building as if they were me finding a way to scale up a building to my Grindr trick when the elevator is broken and the stairs are closed. Micha started recording, and animal control, was apparently on the scene too. Now, animal control was there as well as several other people, and yet not one of them thought to hold a mattress or a sheet under that raccoon? I guess they all didn’t get their rescue training from cartoons and old-timey moves like I did.

The raccoon either slipped, or realized that building was just too tall to conquer, or decided to give the people a show. Because the raccoon seemed to turn around, falling to the sand. I’d like to thank the raccoon, because I clenched so hard that I’m almost like a virgin in the butt. I said almost. The impossible has still not been achieved.

It seems like no raccoons were harmed in the making of that magnificent acrobatic move. So that fetus who currently plays Spider-Man better watch it. Because that raccoon is coming for his role!

Pic: Twitter

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