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July 4, 2018 / Posted by:

Little Edie’s Flag Dance!

When I first typed that out, I accidentally typed “Little Edie’s Fag Dance,” and now I really want to see that, but it’d probably be as glorious and historically significant as Little Edie’s Flag Dance! It is the Fourth of July, and if your Fourth of July morning cardio workout didn’t only consist of doing Little Edie’s flag dance, then you’re not a real American. Because Little Edie’s flag dance is America. Whenever anybody asks me which political party I belong to, I tell them I’m a proud member of the Little Edie’s Flag Dance Party.

Now, I shouldn’t have to tell any of you what Grey Gardens (1975) is about, because in American History class, the only thing that was taught to all of us was Grey Gardens since it’s the only piece of American history that matters. But in Grey Gardens, Little Edie descends from the stairs in a cloud of patriotic sparkles and performs an interpretive dance to America that’s so beautiful it makes bald eagles squirt out liquid from their eyes, genitals, and b-holes at the same time. I can barely remember my sister’s middle name, but I can remember nearly every step of this dance.

You also probably learned in American History dance that Fourth of July didn’t become an actual holiday until Little Edie did that a dance, a dance we’re all going to do on the frontlines of the reboot of the Civil War.

Happy Fourth, all!

Pic: YouTube

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