Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 30, 2018 / Posted by:

Mamoudou Gassama, the real-life Spider-Man of Paris!

Most people who see a little child dangling off a balcony would do the following in order of importance:

  1. Take a selfie with the dangling little child in the background while screaming at the kid, “Stay still, I’m trying to get a good selfie here!
  2. Post that selfie to Instagram.
  3. Record a Snapchat with the dangling little child in the background.
  4. Tweet about it.
  5. Call the police – but then get distracted by news reporters DMing you with requests to use your selfie and Snapchat video in their broadcast.
  6. Negotiate a fee with those reporters, because bitch, you need some new shoes.

Strangely enough, when faced with a baby-in-trauma, Mamoudou Gassama skipped every single one of those steps and instead became a real-life Spider-Man and crawled up that building to rescue the kid. What a weirdo, I know.

CNN says that over the weekend, a 4-year-old boy had wandered out onto the balcony of his family’s sixth floor apartment in Paris and fell off the side. Luckily, the kid didn’t fall to his death. He fell onto the fifth floor balcony railing and clung to it. The boy’s mom wasn’t home at the time, and his dad was supposed to be taking care of him but went shopping and then got distracted by playing Pokemon Go. How disgusting! Who plays Pokemon Go in 2018?

As horrified people below screamed, a man on the fifth floor tried to save the boy but wasn’t having much luck and didn’t want to risk the kid falling by pulling him over. So Mamoudou risked his own life, and used the lower balconies to climb up to the kid. Now, I have such little muscles in my arms that an overcooked spaghetti noodle could beat me in an arm-wrestling match. So if I tried to climb up those balconies, my arms would break and I’d fall to the ground. But if I did fall on the ground, my body would break the kid’s fall and he’d be okay. Anyway, Mamoudou doesn’t have daffodil stems for arms, so he was able to climb up like nothing and SAVE THE DAY!

The boy only suffered a busted foot. His dad is facing two years in prison for abandoning his parental responsibilities. He’ll be in court in September.

Mamoudou Gassama is a 22-year-old immigrant from Mali who made it to Europe last year after taking a dangerous boat ride through the Mediterranean. After his act of le courage went viral and many, including the Mayor of Paris Anne Hidalgo, declared him a hero, he met with President Emmanuel Macron. President Macron awarded Mamoudou with a certificate of courage, announced that he will be made a French citizen, and offered him a job with the Paris fire brigade.

Avec M. GASSAMA qui a sauvé samedi la vie d’un enfant en escaladant 4 étages à mains nues. Je lui ai annoncé qu’en reconnaissance de cet acte héroïque il allait être régularisé dans les plus brefs délais, et que la brigade des sapeurs-pompiers de Paris était prête à l’accueillir. Je l’ai également invité à déposer une demande de naturalisation. Car la France est une volonté, et M. GASSAMA a démontré avec engagement qu’il l’avait ! – With Mr Gassama who saved a child’s life on Saturday by climbing 4 floors with his bare hands. I told him that in recognition of his heroic act he would have his papers in order as quickly as possible and that the Paris fire brigade would be keen to welcome him to their ranks. I also invited him to submit a naturalization request because France is built on desire and Mr Gassama’s commitment clearly showed that he has that desire!

A post shared by Emmanuel Macron (@emmanuelmacron) on

A job in the fire brigade?! Err, no, maybe President Macron can offer that gig to Tom Holland since he’s out of a job now that Mamoudou Gassama has become the only Spider-Man we need!

Pic: @Adil_Brown

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