Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Keebler Elfin Loaves!

The tagline for Keebler Elfin Loves was “Just Like My Used To Make!” I don’t know whose mom they’re talking about, because unless their Elfin Loves were actually a toasted hot dog bun covered with Parkay and garlic powder and served with some spaghetti, then they’re not talking about my mom. Because my mom never made bread that looked like that shit.

Sometime in the 80s, Keebler started selling little elf-sized loaves of packaged bread that came in flavors like blueberry, banana, carrot, raisin. They were sold in the freezer section, and to get them to the temperature of “just pulled out of the oven by somebody’s mom who just baked it” (again, not my mom), you’d throw it in the microwave or a toaster oven. These were definitely around toward the end of my grade school years, because I remember that they’d sell them at the ice cream table at my school, and then you’d take one to the cafeteria lady to warm up. I know, you’d think I went to a $25,000 a year private school after hearing about the gourmet delicacies we got to feast on.

Elfin loaves, which sound like a really cutesy name for shit logs out of an elf’s ass, didn’t really last that long, I don’t think. They’re definitely not around today, which means that if some of us want bread like our mom used to bake, we have to toast a hot dog bun and slather it with margarine and garlic powder.

Pic: YouTube

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