Prince Philip Needs Hip Surgery

April 3, 2018 / Posted by:

Retirement is supposed to be filled with 11am happy hour, golf, and ogling the busty pharmacist who fills your Zoloft prescription. Y’know, typical old people shit. Well, not if you’re Prince Philip. Since THE QUEEN runs the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory under the guise of Buckingham Palace, he wasn’t able to retire from hand waving until last year at the age of 96. Instead of boobs in Boca, he’s just getting stuck with a bum hip.

The BBC says the Duke of Edinburgh, as he’s formally known, was admitted to the King Edward VII Hospital in London, and will undergo hip surgery tomorrow. He gave people a spook when he didn’t show up to Easter services at Windsor Castle on Sunday. On top of that, he missed out on a Thursday Royal Maundy Service at Windsor and a parade for Prince Andrew getting appointed as Colonel Grenadier Guards. Buckingham Palace issued an official statement that really just says nothing:

“His Royal Highness The Duke of Edinburgh was admitted to King Edward VII Hospital in London this afternoon, for planned surgery on his hip which will take place tomorrow.Further updates will be issued when appropriate.”

This isn’t Prince P’s first rodeo at King Edward VII Hospital. Shortly after he retired, he was admitted as a precautionary measure following an infection. He spent 11 nights in the hospital following abdominal surgery in 2013, so some of us saltier bitches now have reason to think that this is just his way of finding a reason not to see Prince Harry marry Meghan Markle. Considering he is 96, after all, most cynical people feared for the worst about his string of absences and health scares in recent years, but before Prince Charles and Prince Andrew start putting stickers on what crowns and tiaras they want, they should remember members of the royal family are probably going to outlive us all!


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